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Massacl!i;>»:ii;  A^ricuUura!  Collijire, 
A.VIH.CRST,  MASS. 

THE  lUSOR  tUDE 

{K&en  Stuff) 


^1*. 


Devoted  to  no  party  or  creed.  Published  in  the  interests  of  the 
Student  Body  and  other  nonsense.                Vol.  I,  Wo.  I. 
Editor-in-chief  -  Usa  Gillette      Business  Majiager    -  Ever  Eeddy 
Managing  Editor  -  Xeene  Kutter      Advertising  Manager  -  Otto  Stiop 
', Agricultural  Advisor     Durham  Duplex. 


Editorial 
\7e  believe  thct  there  is  an 
urgent  need  on  the  cimpus  for  a 
paper  that  is  purely  local  in 
character.  Therefore,  we  are 
attempting  to  produce  a  paper  of 
that  nature.  We  hope  to  rtaXe   it 
representative  of  and  of  interest 
to  all  the  students  of  Aggie  - 
both  regular  students  and  short 
course  men. 


V/£  approve  of  Dean  Patterson's 
disapproval  of  coughing  in  chapel 
e;-;ercises  -  v,e  saw  lien  Sloans 
awakened  from  a  soTind  sluinber  twice 
last  week. 

Students  taking  Aggie  Econ.  52 
(Cooperation)  will  call  at  ivir. 
Green's  office  for  passes  to  leave 
the  library  for  meals.   (These  are 
good  for  one  hour  only  and  v;ill  be 
turned  in  at  the  office  on  the 
return  of  the  student. 

The  manager  of  the  movies  dovm 
town  has  introduced  a  ns\v'  feature 
that  v/ill  become  very  popular  in- 
deed.  The  same  zhovi  \/ill  be  given 
on  Thursday  and  Friday  evenings. 
This  will  enable  the  boys  to  go 
Thursday  to  see  the  shovv  and  on  • 
Friday  they  can  take  their  janes. 
Cn  Friday  evenings  there  vail  be 
no  lights  in  the  balcony. 
J:' .S .  It  is  rumored  that  tlie  re- 
ception room  in  Draper  Hall  v/ill 
be  closed  in  the  near  future. 

HOW  TO  XLEF  V/ELL 
By  Dr.  Fuller  C.-^ce 
To  remove  '.varts  from  the  hands; 
Place  a  Keen-Kutter  chisel  on  the 
finger  bearing  the  cancerous  growth 
and  strike  the  chisel  sliarply  wLth 
any  v/ell  known.  bic<.nd  of  haimoer. 


•n^ATCH  FOR  OUE  lvL...T  ISiiL":. 
Thfe  feature  will  be  a  special 
article  by  lean  Burns  of  t^.e  Home 
School  -  ii-iy  Journeys  Through  the 
Pellxam  Hill.  It  will  be  a  thrilleri 


ii  transport  was  crossing  the  •, 
ocean  ana  owing  to  an  cccic.ent  in 
the  etiiiine  room  w^s  lorced  to  stop 
for  several  hours,   The  noj.t  day 
the  bodt  stopped  again  for  the  same 
reason.  A  quarter  uiabtei  ^eigeant 
senior  grade,  ste^jpin/^,  on  aeck.  . 
remarked: 

"Gee,  this  looks  like  the  same 
X^lace  \/e  stopped  at  yc5t=rday." 

THL  FUTUBE 

Twenty-five  ye.-rs  from  now  we 
shall  probably  be  going  to  classes 
in  Curtiss  and  p:andle;y-Page  air- 
planes instead  of  in  Foscs  and 
Cadillacs  as  \,c   now  dc.  A  fe\/  yerrs; 
ago  the  bicycle  was  the  elite  method 
of  transportation  between  clc-oses 
and  a  Ford  was  a  rarity,  but  last 
F-.ll  they  were  as  common,  as  over-  ' 
cuts  in  Cunday  chapel;  therefore, 
why  not  airplanes  in  the  futurel 
;.s  we  read  a  maga^-ine  devoted  to 
the  aavancement  of  tne  science  of 
aeronautics  we  can  picture  in  cur 
mind's  ■  sye  the  students  flying 
around,  the  Dean  going  up  in  the 
air  because  he  has  to  lead  iaonday 
chapel,  an'  everything. 

Cn  the  roofs  of  all  the  builair„5s 
there  will  be  landing  st.j.tion£.  "ae 
will  land  on  the  SiLooth  surface  of, 
the.T.':»i,  roll  along  to  the  sky 
entra.nce  and  then  slide  down  a  biiiSb 
pole,  in  true  fireman  style,  and 
gently  drop  into  tne  classroom. 
Imagine  somebody  g-etting  on  the  v/rong 
pole  in  Flint  Lab.  and  landing;  in  a 
tub  of  almost  butter. 


2. 


We  can  picture  Henry  Young  the 
second  standing  on  the  roof  of 
Stoclchridge  Hall  vvith  a  battery  of 
machine  guns  to  drive  off  the  late- 
comers to  chapel,  Porctipine  skins 
will  probably  be  wound  around  the 
poles  twenty  minutes  before  eigtet. 

We  see  what  looks  like  a  vest 
pocket  edit; ion  of  the  Curtis  plane 
going  tov/ard  the  Chem.Lab.  When' it 
lands  we  perceive  that  it  is  Doc 
Peters,  who  had  geared  up  his 
bicycle  a  little  higher,  put  on 
wings  and  is  still  pumping  his  way 
aroimsSL. 

There  is  a  terrible  racket  and 

a  large  Caproni  comes  into  viev/, 

to  und  toward  the  Athletic  Field. 

When  it  lands  a  host  of  people 

step  onto  the  field.  'We  say  to 

ourselves  that  it's  very  kind  of 

the  Commandant  to  take  the  boys  to 

drill  in  his  plane.  Upon  inquiry 

we  learn  that  we  were  mistaken  - 

the  yo\mg  arn^  that  we  saw  was  Mie 

first  dozen  sons  of  the  Grayson 

Brothers  who  had  come  to  Aggie  to 

keep  up  the  family  athletic  record. 
*      *      *     * 

If  your  folks  at  home  have  the 
Flu  send  them  THE  BLADE  to  cheer 
them  up. 

It  is  not  out  policy  to  deal 
with  sensational  news^  but  we  have 
it  on  good  authority  that  Willie 
Peckham  v/as  seen  in  chapel  the 
other  day. 

Yes,  Gwendolyn,  wearing  woolen 
stockings  around  the  campus  may  be 
showing  perfectly  good  form, 

A  new  course  in  applied  Physics 
will  be  given  the  third  term  for  ex- 
service  men.  CoC,  Pillsbury  will 

be  the  Inptriiccor^ 

All  former  navy  men  are  cordially 
invited  to  attend  the  Baptist  Church 
They  have  all  the  facilities  for 
making  them  feel  at  home. 

The  officials  of  the  Holyoke  Street 
Railway,  hearing  tlrat  the  Federal  Board 
men  had  received  their  checks,  made  a 
sustained  effort  to  keep  the  tracks 
clear  between  .Jiiierst  and  Holyoke. 


OUR  FUSSING  BUP£aU 
(.-.11  coinfflunicatdions  to  this  column 
should  be  addressed  to  Box  37,  Blade 
Oifice.  Karnes  and  addresses  v^hen  asked 
for  by  thti  code  numbers  will  be  fur- 
nished upon  request) 

vj8k  Red  headed  girl  with  fur  coat 
wishes  to  arrange  for  regular  Thursday 
eveniiig  parties.  Try-outs  will  be  held 
at  Smith  next  vreek.  Mustaches  will  be 
worn  at  this  formation. 

75ky  Young  biggie  student  v;ho  knows 
where  he  caa  borrow  a  pair  of  skates 
wishes  to  arrange  a  skating  party  with 
some  Mount.  Holyoke  junior  for  ajiy  night 
this  week.  H©  also  knows  where  he  can 
get  a  silk  muffler. 

nr5t  Coed  majoring  in  Annie  Huzz 
and  taking  Spanish  wDuld  lM.e   to  cor- 
respond with  a  Spanish  Toreador. 


Metealf  has  turned  in  two  cuts 
against  Bill  B^^ker  in  Rural  Bowling 
and  Cowboy  Pool  225. 

2Sie  Rensselaer  Hockey  team  recently 
visited  iJorthampton  as  the  guests  of 
the  M.--i..C.  .athletic  Association. 

Speaking  of  Free  Rides  several  if 
the  men  who  have  played  basketball 
say  they  wouldn't  be  half  as  tired  if 
Mack  didn't  let  his  feet  drag  on  the 
floor  so  much. 

Freddie  V/augh  says  it's  a  pretty 
tough  world  v^hen  a  fellow  loses  fifteen 
dollars  playing  poker  on  a  Y.M.C.a. 
trip. 

A  Poultry  Club  has  been  organized 
by  the  seniors  majoring  in  Poultry. 
Cbe  oj^Xiucr;;  are  as  foiljvis: 
i?j:e=;ido:nL  Trr^d  G>  harden 

Vice-President        Milton  B.  Gray 
Secretary  F.G.  Go  won 

Treasurer  M.B.  Gray 

Keeper  of  tiie  Holy  Bird  Seed 

Milton  Gray 
Guardian  of  the  Goose  Eggs  The  Prof. 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE 


Every  Blade  a  new  one 
February  18,  1920 


No  rehonod  stuff* 
Vol.  1,  No.  2_. 


Devoted  to  no  party  or  creed.   Published  in  the  interests  of  the 
Student  Body  and  other  nonsense. 
Editor-in-chief  -  Uea  Gillette                 Business  Manager  -    Ever  Roddy 
Managing  Editor  -  Keono  Kutter  '              Advertising  Manager  -  Otto  Strap 
, Agricultural  Advisor  -  Durham  Duplex 


The  guy  v/ho  drew  the  plans  for 
the  cloalc  rooms  in  Stockbridgo 
Hall  must  have  got  his  start  by 
designing  union  suits  for  skeletons* ■ 

J.  Stitt  Wilson  ronarkod  that 
ho  had  to  cone  trorjjf astless  to 
chapol  because  of  the  early  hour* 
Never  nind,  Stitt,  you'ro  not  the 
only  one*  / 

The  South  College  Literary  Club 
hold  its  first  meeting  last  Wed- 
nesday, The  feature  of  the  noeting 
we.s  a  debate  betv/eon  /  ohn  Lcwan- 
dowski  and  Don  Jjcnt  ■;c  to  Vi^ether 
Dick  or  Frank  Merriwoll  was  the 
greater  athlete.  Al  Crav/ford 
delivered  an  address  entitled  "How 
the  Adventures  of  Jesse  Janes 
Helped  Lie  in  English  25." 

Noninations  are  now  in  order 
for  tho  train  bearers  for  Shorty 
Bernan  when  he  dons  the  cap  and 

go-jm* 

Courses  we  reconnond:- 
For  Jimy  Moynihan  and  Ma  Goodwin; 

Foeds  and  Feeding. 
For  Doc  Wellington: 

Roth' s  Memory  Course. 
For  Harlan  Worthley  and  Georgo 
Howe; 

Household  Management  76 
For  the  Connecticut  Street 
Railway  Company; 

Transportation  76, 

Arthur  P,  Dunn  of  Holyoke 
and  Northampton  renewed  acquaintances 
on  the  campus  one  day  last  week. 


■  -> 


3 


J 


Vv 


^ 


"Cohen"  Loavitt  dislocated  his 
right  hip  leading  tho  songs  at  tho  basket- 
ball game  Friday  night, 

'We  dor't  mind  being  called  farmers, 
but  wish  wc  were  all  Hicks  of  Curry' a 
calibre.         -^,  ^^^..,  j^^^..^  j^.,s 

If  yuu  eat  at  the  Hash  House  you 
don't  need  a  calonda'^, 

PUZZLE  PICTURE  -  Find  the  lecturer, 
"Now  tho  county  system  in  Massachusetts 
is  similar  to  the  one  in  Illinois,  Out 
there  they  have  three  commissioners  the 
same  as  they  do  in  Wisconsin,  One  of 
the  Wisconsin  commissioners  used  to  travel 
over  the  Great  Northern  and  one  day  he 
met  a  man  who  represented  tho  Non- 
partisan League  in  a  lawsuit.  Now  tho 
Non-Partisan  League  has  for  its  — -  — -- 

V/anted;  -  A  nan  experienced  in 
ventilation  to  adjust  the  windows 
in  the  Sophomore  surveying  class. 

Apply  to  Prof,  Moore, 

On  Metcalf's  Alleys  last  week 
the  Floriculture  Club  defeated  the 
Landscape  Canouflagers  in  a  spirited 
bowling  match.  The  Landscapera  were 
unable  to  plot  the  contours  of  the 
alleys,  while  the  Flower  Growers  wore 
able  to  bunch  then  very  well  naturally, 

VALENTINES  W.  RECEIVED. 

From  Mrs,  Shores :- 

The  rosoB  are.  red, 

The  violets  are  blue. 
You  go  to  chapel 

Or  we'll  got  you. 


-2. 


H.  1^ 


t-.- 


Fron  Kenney:- 

,To  be  my  valentine 

Just  drop  me  a  line 
And  enclose  a  check 

For  your  pledge,  by  heck» 

We  would  like  to  ask  the  last, 
Sunday  chapel  speaker  if  they  get 
cuts  for  not  attending  Sunday     •  ' 
chapel  in  the  York  Street  Jail, 

'  Spring  says  that  he  wouldn't 
nind  being  the  anchor  man  on  the 
Q,  -T,  V,  relay  teandf  they  didn't 
let  the  anchor  dree'  so  far  behind. 

According  to  the  posters  an- 
nouncing the.  Amherst  Firemen's 
Ball  "All  the  proceeds  will  go  to.- 
improvements  of  the  fireyalarm« " " 
Hereaftei*,  instead  of  sending  ordinary 
postal  cards  return  cards  will  be 
sent,  thus  insuring  more  prompt 
replies  from  the  voluntcers» 

Some  of-  the  V/aitfers  at  the 
Hash  House  ought  to. wear , elbow  padS4 


Dean  Burns  promised  us  his 
article  for  this  week,  but  he  was 
so  busy  arranging  a  lecture  tour 
in  behalf  of  the  League  of  Nations 
that  he  was  unable  to  have  .the 
story  ready  'for  this  issue.  However, 
it  will  appear  soont 

Now  that  the ■ quarantine  forbidding 
large  gatherings  of  the  public 
has  been  lifted  the  Senior  Poultry 
Club  will  resume  its  regular  meetings^ 

There  ought  to  be  another  Fresh- 
man rope  pull  -  they  are  getting  pretty 
weak  on  the  chapel  bell*  • 

The  Blade  will  'give  a  free  trip, 
personally  conducted,  to  Orient  Springs 
for  the  best  saying  cc.fitributedi.  such 
as  "You  win  the  gun-cotton  stove  grate," 

It  is  reported  that  Ralph  Stedman 
Vi'as  seen  standing  in  front  of  Ikiel's 
v;aiting  for  a  car  and  he  had  on  his 
ovm  clothes,,   The  report  has  not  been 
verified's 


It  is  rfcported  that  the' major- 
advisor  in  General  Agt  is  suffer- 
ing from  eye  strain  caused  by 
searching  for  jobs  for  his  men, 

¥/hy' not  lot  the  college  men 
vote  on  Prohibition  the  s^J.ie  as 
thoy  did  on  the  League  of  Nations? 

How  many  Aggie  students  have 
solved  the  high  cost  of  clothes? 

Ordinarily :- 
One  pair  of  pants         |8,00 

But:-. 
One  pair  of  Uncle  Sam' s 

pants   §0,00 
One  paid  of  golf  stockings  ||2, 50 

A  SAVING  OF  §5,50'.' 

Contributions   for  tTie  Blade 
will   be'  gratefully   received, 

The  English  department   is 
welcome  to  any  material  in  the 
Blade  in  assigning  subjects   for 
Freshman  themes. 


The  college  book  store  has  received 
a  carload  of  rattles  to  be  distributed 
among  the  r.en  taking  Ec,    Soc,    50» 

We  have  been  inforn&d  that  the 
Smith   girls  vdll  be  busy  this  week 
embroidering  pillov/s  that   our   sisters 
at  the  .i|ther  end  of  the  town  may  vrear 
then  at^he  movies  -  the  pillows  we 
mean,     «F 

FOR  EXCHANGE   -/One  pair   of 
moth  em.br oide red  white  flannel 
trousers   for  pne   pair   of   ear  muffs, 

Starr  King. 

The  Commandant  speaking  of  the 
fastidiousness  of  the  nigger  soldiers 
said  that  they , even  wanted  to  have 
som.eone  else  shine  their  shoes  when 
they  were  getting  dolled  up* 

Lyons:-  "Yi/hat's  the  matter,  were 
they  aj'raid  of  getting  their  hands 
black?" 


THE  BAEOR  BLiDE 


February  25,   1920. 


Vol.    I,   Iv'o.   S. 


Putlished  in  the  interest  of  the  Student  Eody  and  other 


Idlitor- in-chief 
tlanaging  Lditor 


nonsense. 
Usa  Gillette 
Keene  Kiitter 
■agricultural  .advisor     - 


Business  Manager 
^kdvertisii'ig  iianager 
Durham  Duplex 


-  Ever  Reddy 

-  Otto  Strop 


The  editor  of  the  COLLEGiyiN  . 
was  entirely  too  modest.  He  said 
that  the  BLADL  was  the  second 
comic  paper  to  appear  on  the  canrpus. 
Jiccording  to  our  viay  of  thinlc- 
ing  it  is  the  third  -  but  perhaps 
a  journal  can  not  be  called  a 
comic  paper  unless  it  is  so 
intentionally. 

V.here  is  your  fraternity  going 
to  have  its  national  convention  - 
Canada  cr  Cuba? 

Silent  Knight's  feet  would  be 
terribly  funny  if  it  weren't  for 
the  fact  that  brevity  is  the  soul 
of  wit. 

Cause  and  Effect  -  The  way  to 
a  man's  heart  is  through  his 
stoma ch.  Is  there  any  wonder  why 
many  students  do  not  have  the 
college  at  heart? 

iidd  to  your  list  of  favorite 
pests  -  the  iran  i/ho  stops  to  put 
on  his  coat  in  the  cloak  room. 

V/e  understand  that  red  ink  mixed 
with  mucilage  has  been  tried 
on  Clough's  moustache  v/ith- 
out  results- 

"I  guess  that  the  Holyoke  cars 
are  running  .again." 

"'a/hy,  has  Chambers  disa^j- 
peared?" 

"K«*. ,  but  Apsoy  is  shaving." 

IJow  that  tv/-^  Serbians  have 
been  sent  to  this  college,  why 
not  send  a  couple  of  our  students 
to  Serbia?  V/e  Icnovv  several  we 
would  like  to  have  go  there  -  or 
to  the  i»Iorth  Pole. 


Lothrop's  father  must  ovm  a 
clothing  store.  Earle  has  on  a 
different  overcoat  every  day. 

From  all  the  empty  hair-tonic 
botif.les  in  the  hedge  near  the 
Davenport,  one  would  think  that 
Aggie  was  getting  bald. 

The  height  of  futility  - 
Giving  Creeper  a  special  delivery 
letter. 

We  unde  rs  tand ,  unof f  ic  ial ly 
that  the  class  of  1S22  will  dedicate 
its  Index  to  the  Botany  Department. 

Sui-)day  morning  sleepers  are  very 
grateful  to  the  person  who  arranged 
Sunrlay  chapel  for  the  afternoon.  It 
is  requested  by  the  corjmittee  in 
charge  of  arrangements  that  all 
chapel  snoozers  saw  their  wood  at 
home. 

Vtho  Knows? 
D-an  of  ■woman's  College  (meeting 
yo-ong  lady  student  from  vicinity  of 
■dULierst):  "x.^r  dear,  I  received  a 
rcquc^r.t  ^or  a  catalogue  from  an 
-Jnherst  man  today." 

Student  (sho\/ing  polite  interest) 
"Indeed. " 

Dean:  "Yes,  a  ij:.  Crawford.  Per- 
haps you  know  him?" 

Student:  (blushing  furiously) 
"w:.y  -  er  -  yes,  I  have  met  a 
ij.  Crawford  in  t/iit  town." 

Dean:  "Strange  that  a  man  should 
be  asking  for  a  catalogue  of  a 
woman's  college!  Has  Air.   Crawford 
any  daughters?" 

Senior  Coed  -  "%  goodness,  I 
will  bs  grniTsutod  in  jujie  and  I 
haven't  landed  a  man  yet.". 


-2- 


All  the  men  who  exiject  to  te 
exouf>f>d  troiu   the  final  in  Hural 
Sociology  51  will  ineet  in  the 
Social  Union  Room  telephone  fcoxDth  . 
at  two  o'clocic  Sianday  morning.  . 

Q3ie  man  who  vjon   the  prize  for 
telling  the  biggest  lie  this  week 
said:  "I  studied  in  the  library 
tot   two  hours  the  other  day  and 
never  fell  asleep  once." 

Goo  Grayson  (Bitting  in  nigger 
heaven  in  the  Strand  'i3ieatre  on  the 
recent  ITew  York  trip):  "Gee,  this 
is  like  looking  at  the  show  in  the 
Amherst  Town  Hall  from  Mount  Tohy." 

Let  it  be  known:  Unlike  most 
professors  (pertaining  to  know- 
ledge of  the  subjects  they  tea,ch) 
the  prof,  in  Agronomy, 77  deserves 
a  D.S.C.  for  having  stored  up 
such  a  vast  supply  of  his  subject. 

Bill  Luce:  "Give  me  a  violin 
"E'  string," 

Clerk:  "Gut  '£'?••■ 

Bill:  "Ko,  I  haven't,  that's 
why  I  am  bujang'  this  one." 

Our  political  platfonnfor 
19£0: 

Sweat  shirts  and  old  sweaters 
v/ill  be  worn  on  all  possible  oc- 
Cctsions , 

Head  rests  on  the  chapel  seats. 

Refrigerating  system  in  the 
library. 

Jitneys  from  the  Arena  to  the 
Math.  Building. 

Self  .-dissecting  specimens  for 
the  EGO  lab, 

Seven  BLADES  for  the  price  of 
one  slisve.  Back  numbers  and 
current  issues  on  sale  at  the 
Ooljege  Store. 

All  rx-'Ies  were  off  on  sweaters 
in  t^£  audi  l;o:rnrii  Sati-irday  night. 
It  was  the  cpen  seaiOu  on  "II"  . 
s'u'eaters. 


Boost  Old  Aggie)  \vha,t  are  ycu 
doing  to  make  this  a  fit  place  for 
yoxir  son  to  attend. 

In  spite  of  the  fact  that  the 
rifle  team  is  lying  down  on  the 
job  they  are  prone  to  make  good 
shots. 

'VtOiat  we  like  .about  the  student 
foru.ras  is  the  spontaneity  of  the 
speeches,  Eumber  one  must  have 
been  absent  last  time  for  it  took 
them  a  long'  while  .to  get  started. 
It  must  dotra.ct  from  their  oratory 
to  wear  drill  shiirts. 

FOE  SALE*  One  bed  -  price  very 
moderate, 

Ey  Student  electing  English  79. 

If  this  weather  keeps  up-,  the 
snow  will  interfere  with  the  mov/ing 
of  the  lawn  next  summer. 

Just  because  the  short-course 
students  sit  in  the  balcony  they 
don't  nsed  to  look  dov.n  en  the 
regular  Gtindents, 

ViQaen  peace  is  declared  there 
Vifill  be  a  supply  of  service  stripes 
and  divisional  insignia  for  sale 
on  the  campus. 

¥e  have  heard  that  there  •«vill 
be  a  chapel  exercise  soon  at  which 
there  vvill  be  nothing  said  about 
the  League  of  ivations. 

'we  expect  the  H.C.L,  to  come 
dov/n  on  the  sane  day  that  the  seniors 
have  a  qviorvja  at  a  class  meeting. 

A  colored  supplement  ought  to 
go  big  in  Ambers i;. 

If  v;e  had  political  influence 
with  the  chief  of  police  yjb   would 
get  out  an  asbestos  edition  of 
contribution  received  but  un- 
printable. 


LiBilARY  OF  Tin 
Massachusei'i  j'varifiiltrjal  Ccl!eo-e, 

AMHERST,  iVi/-.3S. 
THE  RAZOR  BUDE 


Published  v/eekly 
Vol>    I,   No  4 


price  tivo  cents 
March  3>   1920, 


We  could  think  of  more  appro- 
priate places  for  dancing  ajid 
'other  forms  of  conventional 
rough-housing  than  the  room  over 
the  library  during   study  hours. 

Stubby  Clark   says  he  hopes 
that  the   snow  will  stay  a  long 
while  yet  because  he  can  drop  a 
letter  in  the  nail-box  nov/  with- 
out  standing  on  his  tip-toest 

Prof,    L.    --  "This  drav/ing 
looks  about  as  much  like  a 
clarifier  as  I  do  like  a   fish." 

Fuller  (in  the  back  rov/)   - 
"That's  a  good  drav/ing,  Prof," 

First   senior  coed:-  "Wasn't 
the  BLADE  horrid  last  week?" 

Second  ditto;-  "Yes,   but  how 
do  you   suppose  they   over   found 
it  out?" 

Third  ditto;-  "I  don't  know, 
but  I  guess  \ve  might  as  well  be 
frank  about  it  and  work  in  the 
open  after  this,     Y/e  might  get 
more  fishes  to  choose   f rorai " 

Prof.  Judkins:-  "Here's  a 
paper  marked  9  2^  v/ith  no  name 
on  it. 

Pat  Gibbons:-  "Put  moi  name 
on  it.   Professor." 

Speaking  of  oppo sites;    did 
you  ever  compare  Somebody' s 
nose  v/ith  a  century  plant? 

If   some  of  the  men  used  their 
time   studying  instead  of  debat- 
ing over,  the  honor  system  they 
wouldn't  need  to   crib   in  the 
exams. 

Mitch  Sullivan  refuses  to 
play  the  part  of  Little  Eva  in 
the  Senior   Shov/. 

How  that  the  legislature  has 
turned  dov/n  =;ome  of  the  bills 


for  appropriations  for  the  college 
v/e   suppose  that  we  will  have  to  con- 
tinue hanging  our  coats  on  the  floor 
in  some  of  the  buildings. 

This  \7©ek's  best  joke:-  "At  last 
the  hockey  team  has  broken  training." 

Some  of  the  expert  biscuit 
shooters  at  the  hash  house  ought  to 
go  out   for  varsity  baseball. 

If  this  v/eather  keeps  up  the  men' 
out   for  varsity  baseball  ought  not  to 
have  much  difficulty  in   sliding  to 
first  base. 

Cur  idea  of  a  good  time:-  An  officeri 
v/ith  his  hat  resting  on  one   car,  bav/1- 
ing  out  the  men   for  not  v/earing  their 
uniforms  properly. 

17e  heard  that  the  Commandant  was 
going  to  have  leaning  posts  erected 
aroujid  the  Drill  Hall.     Cur  reporter 
v/ent  around  rjid  after  wading  through 
an   ocean  of  butts,  he  gleamed  the  in- 
fonna.tion  that   the  Commandant  is  going 
to  make  an  army   out   of  this  gang  of 
thugs  if  ho  has  to   change  his  eagles 
to   silver  bars. 

The  Botany  Club  challenges  any 
organizatio;i  on  the  campus  to  a  game 
of   solitaire. 

Topics   for  discussion  at  tlie   forumi 

Shall  the  v/aiting   station  be  heated? 

Shall  the  honor  system  be  applied 
to  the  exchange  of  coats  in  the  various 
cloak  rooms? 

Will  the  student  body  levy  a  tax  to 
buy  at  least  one  picture  for  the 
reception  room  in  Draper  Hall? 

Do   students   get  a  half -cut   in 
etiquette  for  going  around  the  c^jnpus 
with  their  overshoes  at  parade   reat? 

Competition   for  positions  on  the 
editorial  board  of  the  BLADE  v/ill  begin 
at   once.      Thb   entrarice   fee   is   five 
dollc.rs.      All  contributions  must  be 


-2- 


sealed  and  guaranteed  free  from  grey 
hairs* 

BIG  RACE 
The  sensation  of  the  interfra- 
ternity  relay  races  V7ill  take 
place  when  the  semi -movable  Q.T.V. 
team  ambles  against  the  flat- 
footed  Theta  Chis.  The  race  will 
start  at  2:00  p.m.  in  order  that 
the  contestants  may  eat  dinner. 
Hob-nail  shoes  will  be  worn.  The 
speed  limit  has  been  set  at  two 
miles  a  week.  At  the  corners 
priority  will  be  given  by  classes. 
Tea  will  be  served  on  the  southwest 
bank* 

Doc  Seerlyo  seems  to  be  having 
a  long  vacation  on  those  quarters 
we  contributed. 

Doc's  Law  -  "Ihat  would  it  be 
if  I, called  you  a  liar?" 

Bennet;-  "Libel-" 
'  Doc.  H.  -""liThat  if  I  called 
you  a  damn  fool?" 

Bennet  (sighing)    :-  "The 
truth." 

Prof.    S.:-  "The  ceiling  is 
the  place  you  bump  your  head  into." 

How  Our  Minds  Wander 
Doc,    Crampton: -  "Everything 
attained  its  present   form- through 
evolution.      Can  anybody  nvme  some- 
thing that  has  not  passed  through 
the   stages  of   evolution"? 

Cascio:-     "Baby  carriages." 

Now  that   all  the   ceniors  are 
starting  their  mustaches  we   ex- 
pect a  falling  off  in  the  number 
of   BLADES   sold. 

The  latest  collectors'    craze  is 
jazz    furniture.      This  jazz    fur- 
niture is  collected  in  a  very 
uniqute   fashion. 

One  wishing  to  make  a  collec- 
tion cails  upon  a  young  lady  of 
more  or  less  pleasing   character 
and   stays  until  one  a.m.   or  there- 
abouts.     As  he  is  making  his 
seventeenth  departure  with  one 
hand  on  the  door  knob;  the  "old 
guy"   ar^pea^s  on  the   scene  and  is 


3D  insistent  that  the  young  man  have 
a  seat  he  hands  him  a  chair  in  some- 
what the  some  style  that  a  catcher 
handles  a  baseball  'when  he  is  trying 
to  catch  a  man   steo-ling   second. 

The  young  man  picks  himself  up, 
brushes  the  dirt  off  his  right  arm  and 
limps  homeward  vilth  the  nucleus  of  his 
collection,     This  process  is  repeated 
at   regular  intervals  after  recovery. 

We  don't  like  to  pick  on  any  person 
too  much,   but  did  you  ever  notice 
Shorty  Berman's  head?     It  reminds 
us   of  the  plots  at  the  Experiment 
Station,   in  one   of  which  a  plant  is 
grov/n  v.'ithout  the  use  of   fertilizer 
and  in  the  other  potassium  nitrate  is 
used.      (We   didn't   get  paid    for  putting 
this  in. ) 

Owing  to  the  coining  of  the 
banquet   season  the  quotations  on  hand- 
cuffs have  taken  a  decided   jump. 
Brass  knuckles  are  also   selling  above 
par. 

During  the  recent  tie-up  the 
Holyoke  Street  Railway  has  had  an 
opportunity  to   cut  the  corners  off  the 
wheels. 

DEEP   STUFF 
Doc.   Fernald;-  "Wlmt  is  raurgantia 
histrionica?" 

Ima  Bug:-  "Stage   fright." 

Having  had  a  sermon  recently  on 
moral  courage,  we  haven't  much  re- 
spect  for  a  man  who  uses  up  half   of 
our  hair  tonic   on  his  mustachs  and 
then   shaves  it  off  -  the  mustache  - 
\vhen  he  goes  to  a  valentine  party. 

If  Pete  Readio   doesn't  pay  us  for 
the  hair  tonic  we  are  going  to   give  him 
awq.y. 

jm  Amherst  banner  was  disj  layed 
in  a   scene  at   the  movies  dov;n  town. 
Don't  be  caught  unprepared   if   the 
comera  man   should   come  here.      See  Task 
and  Krasker. 
(Advertisement) 

We   fear  that  Dc-an  Burns  has  broken 
his   contract. 


1.  A.  C, 

,.LECT1C!'I 


A  MM  ERST,  IVIASS. 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE 


Published  v/eekly 
Vol.  I.  No.  5 


Price  two  cents 
March  10,  1920 


THE  MILLENNL'.L  DA^nI' 
(This  article  was  written  espec- 
ially and  exclusively  for  the 
BLADE  by  the  Dean  himself.  -  Ed.) 

Tifhat  the  world  to  be  so  we  have 
our  great  men  and  nobleman,  Dean e a 
and  college  Presidents  and  man 
some  in  the  world  and  there  wag'  '  ■  • 
great  change  in  the  v;orld  of 
todayj 

The  world  is  big  and  to  small 
and  man  when  crime  in  the  v/orld. 
There  has  been  quite  change  and 
when  women  are  dolls  are  play- 
mates to  the  grand  \7orld  good  show 
the  v/orld  will  sing  a  new  song 
and  then  v/e  be  thanks  that  v/as  so. 
The  world  is  made  out  for  good 
things.  Our  College  and  School 
v/orld  to  have  face  the  great  work 
that  this  old  world  can  give  usl 
From 
Dean  Burns, 

Home  School  College. 

At  our  earnest  request  the 
Dean  put  aside  his  other  v;ork  for 
a  short  time  to  give  us  this  art- 
icle* 

•^  •)(•■)«•*  * 

If  Cy  Tirrell  sat  in  the  front 
row  in  chapel  he  could  play  the 
pedals  for  the  orgajiist. 

The  Senior  Poultry  Club  mem- 
bers were  out  with  a  couple  of 
chickens  the  other  night. 

The  Commandant  reeeived  103 
copies  of  the  BLADE  last  week, 
N.B,  The  total  enrollment  of  the 
sophomore  class  -  not  counting 
coeds  -  is  one  hundred  three. 

A  new  way  to  indicate  the  lapse 
of  time  was  demonstrated  in  the 
fresViman  shos?  when  Irish  reappeared 
with  a  mustache  about  tv;6  inches 
longer  than  when  he  left  thf?  stage 
before. 


The  feature  ci  the  Interclas? 
Track- Meet  next  Saturday,  March  13, 
will  be  the  long  heralded  relay 
race  between  the  Delta  Phi  Gamma 
Sugar  Lump  Chasers  of  Draper  Hall 
and  the  Q "T  V  Bank  Breakers.   The 
Rules  tipulate  that  the  fair  deni- 
zens with  the  original  chicken  walk 
shall  wear  French  heeled  pumps,  while 
the  leaders  (reverse  English)  of  the 
fraternity  league  shall  wear  hobnails 
and  a  smile.  •  The  contest  bids  fair  to 
be  the  nost  exciting  event  of  the  day 
for  the  coeds  are  reported  as  having 
a  fast  bunch  while  the  "Qutes"  have 
been  knov/n  to  do  better  than  2.20. 
Already  a  large  attendance  has  been 
assured'  by  the  purchase  of  a.  v/hole 
section  of  the  bleachers  by  the  Botany 
Club. 

Tha  tncjif-  will  probably  lino  up 
as  follcv/s; 


Ccodx? 


'Qutes" 


Viol  a  C'l.mcron  Charles  Boardman 

Karjorie  Richardson  Fred  Zercher 
Mayy  Gildermeister     Kenneth  Barnard 
Helen  i.iillard  Elliot   Buffum 

The  BLADE  offers  a  free  week's 
subscription   for  the  best  nrj-ne   sug- 
gested  for  the  newxTOman's  dormitory. 

Signs  of   L,::;ring 
Far.puf  appeared   in  c''"apel  v.'i-:>,- 
out  his  ai.-ercoat.      It   is   still  doing 
service   as  an  apron   in  the  Chem,    Lab. 
Pennie  Gray  gets  a  ch-^nce  nov/  and 
then  to  wear  his  ovm  leather  coat. 

Feeling  the  need  of   a  colonel 
on  the  ceinpus  we  nominate  Bla.keley  as 
the  man  who  would  be  the  most  willing 
to   accept   the  position. 

VJant  ed :  - 

Suggestions   for  19   credits 
of   gut  courses    for  spring  terra. 
--BLADE  Office- 


••  2  •" 


At  a  recent  house  party 
MacLoed  led  all  competitors 
by  three  laps. 

We  recommend  courses  in 
oconomics  for  some  of  the  faculty. 
Classes  are  held  until  noon 
Tuesday  and  then  the  exams  start 
at  1:10.  Everybody  finishes 
luncheon  at  tW!=i3Ve  thirty  and  it  " 
seems  like  a  terrible  waste  of 
time  to  wait  until  1:10  for  the' 
exams.  The  exams  must  be  very 
important  v/hen  we  are  allov/ed  one 
hour  and  ten  minutes  for  studying 
them  -  minus  a  half  hour  for  eat- 
ing, ten  minutes  for  reading  , 
letters  and  twenty  minutes  for 
reading  the  paper. 

Having  saved  four  hours  by 
holding  classes  Tuesday  morning 
will  afford  a  sufficient  excuse 
for  waiting  three  or  four  weeks 
for  books  next  term, 

AT  THE  AGGIE  INN 
Cohen  -  I'm  glad  that  I  wasn't 
the  one  to  break  your  show-case. 
Mac  -  So  am   I. 

We  suggest  that  Dean  Burns' 
Philosophy  be  discussed  at  the 
next  forum,  and  a  definite  working 
program  be  adopted  on  the  basis 
of  his  ideas. 

Feed  Prof:-  Hiat  is  the  third 
enzyme  secreted  by  the  pancreas? 
Brer  Lee:-  De  livah,  suh« 


Don  Douglass  has  forgotten  the 
name  of  the  other  fello?;  who  is 
going  to  the  junior  prom.  It  is 
requested  that  he  leave  his  name 
at  the  phi' Sigma.  Kappa  House  be- 
fore vacation, 

Harold  Hunter  nearly  strangled 
himself  at  the  Hash  House  the  other 
day  trying  to  eat  macaroni  and 
keep  time  ^vith  the  jazz  music. 

The  class  in  Ec,  Soc,  has 
finished  its  labora,tory  investi- 
gation on  the  effect  cf  the  close 
contact  of  compressed  spheres  of 
snow-flakes  and  compressed  ivory 
ear  separators. 

We  are  in  favor  of  the  honor 
system.  Read  your  own  copy  of  the 
BUDE. 

Doc  Torrey  is  going  to  heave' the 
shot  for  the  faculty  at  the  track 
meet  Saturday. 

Cupe  Williams  will  not  be 
anchor  man  on  the  senior  relay  team. 

We  hope  that  the  chapel  clock 
will  be  adjusted  to  standard  time 
before  Saturda.y  so  that  accurate 
time  may  be  taken  at  the  races. 

Here's  hoping  tha.t  the  final 
examinations  will  not  be  the  final' 
examinations  for  many  of  us. 

Doc.  Fernald  -  TTJhat  state  does 
the  corn  borer  winter  over  in? 
Carey  -  Massachusetts. 


There  are  two  Serbian  students 
at  Smith  College,   There  is  a  fhance 
to  give  our  two  foreign  friends  a 
lesson  in  the  great  intercollegiate 
manual  of  arms. 


When  the  snow  melts  and  the 
green  grass  appears  as  Dean  Lewis 
predicted,  some  of  your  friends 
will  be  coming  to  Amherst  to  see 
you.  Don't  have  that  picture  of 
Her  looking  like  Robinson  Crusoe 
on  his  desert  island.   Decorate 
your  room  with  some  of  the 
ba:iners  that  Krasker  njid  Task 
are  selling.   See  the  display  in  • 
the  College  Store. 

Down  the  questions  poured  -  pell  mell 
On  the  head  of  poor  Sawtelle, 

And  his  answers,  coming  slov/ 

7i[ere  all  the  same  -  "Er  -  I  don't  know." 


THE     RAZOR     BLADE. 


No  rphoned.  stuff . 
Vol.   II,   No.  1.   . 


Jan.    17,  ,1921. 
Price-,    two   Lincolns, 


Devoted  to  no  party  or  creed.   Published  in  the  interests  of  the  student  body 
and  other  nonsense.  Unwept,  unhonored,  and  uncensored- 
E£litor-in-chief  -  Usa  C-il\exbe.  'Business  Mgr. 

Managing' Editor  -  Keene' Kuitsr.  '  Advertising  Mgr,  ■ 

■  Agricultural  Advisor  -  Durham  Duplex, 
Entered  at  the  P.  0.  at  Amherst,  Mass.,  as  waste  paper. 
Advertising' free. 


-  Ever  Reddy 

Otto  Strop. 

Circulation  normal. 


.  Dean  Burn'  s.  Saturday 
afternoon  oration  stands  as  a 
shining  example  of  "Much  Ado 
About  Nothing" .  His  speech, 
entitled  "How  High  Is  Up"  in  • 
part,  mostly  apart,  v/as  as 
follows:         .... 

1-  I  am  glad  to  be  here. 

2-  I  am  going  on  a- long 
journey, 

3-  It  is  a  great  day  for 

me.  ' 
This  thrilling  message  fits 
the  occasion  far  better  than  our 
corps  of  reporters  could  have 
said  it.  The  Dean  has  sho^m 
himself  to  be  one  of  the  biggest 

ever  turned  out  t/  the 

home  school. 

EDITORIAL.  •  '   •  ■■ 

A  carload  of  red  neckties 
consigned  to  the  faculty  hao 
arrived  at  the  C.  V.  freight 
office. 

Now  that  tho  windows  are  in 
the  new  Memorial  Building  the 
workmen  can  rest  8  hours  a  day 
without  cat'ching  cold. 

Among'  alumni  s'een  on  the 
campus  over  the  week  end  were: 
Santa  Glaus,  Gen.  Grant,  Noah, 
Father  Sohn  and  Lydia  Pinkham- 

Sometime  in  Sunday  chapel 
they  ought  to  pick  out  a  hymn 
that  everybody  kno::??. 


Sugjijeetions  fqj-  the 
proposc-jd  new  Ch-jm.  >Lab, 

1  -•  A  rack  in  the  hall  for 
-  •■•    T3bby'.s  UTiberella, 

2  -  Hermetically  sealed 

sophomore  lab, 

3  -  No  v/indows  for  Doc,  Peters 

to  dream'  thru. 
4.-  Biggtir  blackboards  .■ 

equipped  vdth  step  ladder.- 

fcr  Doc.  Chamberlain, 
5  _  Bigger  auditorium  for  the 

chem  club  to  meet  in. 

Amherst  has  petitioned  for 
longer  intermission  between 
the  halves,  after  Wednesday's^ 
game,  so  that  they  can  practice. 
We  "think  it  should  be  gr^-nted. 

New  library  accession; 

"Spreading  It  Thin" — Beaumont 

We  suggest  that  Henry  try 
his  shoe  stretchers  on  the  cloak 
rooms  in  Stockbridge  Hall. 


The  size  of  Prexy's 
secretary  is  in  keeping  with 
the  permanent  building 
program  of  the  college. 

ONLY  CONNIE. 

"Miss  Martin,  who  wae  here 
■Pith  yriu  last  nifiht'" 
"Oiily  Inza,  Mrs.  Bachrach" . 
"Well,   tell  Inza  that   she  left 
her  pipe   on  the  piano." 


-2- 


In  Ag.   Ed.    51   cards  with 
gold  stars  will  be  given       by 
the  department  to  all  those  v/ho 
are  not  tardy  during  the  term. 

MULEOLOGY  '  78. 
The  mule   is  patient, 

fond  of  work, 
His  virtues  will  bear 
sitting, 
Besides,  the  business  end 
0  f  him , 
l0  always  so  uplifting. 

Doc.  Gordon  (in  adv.  geology) 

"What  is  the   shape  of  the 

Earth?" 

Rur.  Soc.   Stud.  "It's  in  a  h— 

of  a  shape. 

The  BLADE  offers  a  set  of 
Aggie  Ec  maps  for  the  best 
cover  design  submitted  for 
the  next  issue. 

The  four  coeds  who   showed 
up  to  try  out  for  the  five 
parts  in  the  Prom  Show  made 
competition  unusually  keen. 

Prof.   Hart   calling  the 
roll:  Woof -woof -ugh  (Prfesent) ; 
Mizer  Mellen   (Here);   Ugh-ugh- 
huh  (No   reply);   WoQ'h-phooh-ugh- 
woof   (Here);   Woof-woof   (Dropped 
the  course):  Mizer  Leighton 
(Here);   Ugh-woof-ooowoof  (Here^ 

The  hash  house  doesn't 
seem  to  believe  in  rotation 
of   crops;    this  is  the  third 
successive  week  of  muffins, 
and  the   same  kind  of   fish 
for  the  last  three  weeks. 

A  large   clasfo  is   enjoying 
G.   K.   Hurd's   seminar  in  Ag  Ed  51, 


HORT.  MANUF.   NOTES 
When  you  have  made  your  first 
booze  ih  the  kitchen,  pour  a 
little  in  the   sinl?.     If  it 
takes  the   enamel  off  it   is 
ready  to  bottle. 

We  miss  1921' e  class 
basketball   signals  of  last 
year:  Louie-Louis-Louie. 


How  would  it   do  to  try 
the  poultry  department's  idea 
of  leaving  the  lights 
burning  all  night,   in  order  to 
et  up  in  time  for  chapel. 


/ 


For  a  complete  line  of  Banners, 
Pillows,  Table  Covers,  and 
Pennants,  see  Zercher  at 
Clark  Hall ADVERTI SMENT . 

Prof.  Wells  system  of 
passing  the  class  book  around 
the  class  to  take  the 
attendance,  ought  to  mean 
larger  classes  for  him  next 
term. 

As  long  as  the  freshmen 
seem  to  want  it  why  not 
establish  an  organized 
cheering  section  at  Sunday 
ehapel. 

The  following  pictures  will 
be  taken  at  Mills'  Studio  next 
Sunday  for  the  1922  INDEX. 
l-Henry  in  his  B.V.D'S,— '  7:30 
2-Dr.  Torrey  with  a  scissors 

hold  on  Prof.  Phelan.—  7:31 
3-Abey  Beaumont  with  his 

fork J:32 

4-  Col,  Walker,  working— 7:32-7:34 
5-Dr.  Sims  in  civilians 

clothes 7:35 


The  BLADE  wishes  to 
announce  that  the  next  number 
rail  be   freshman  number, 
followed  in  order  by  sophomore, 
junior,    senior  and  faculty 
issues . 


*'  rehoned  stuff, 
vol.  11,  No.  3. 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE. 


January  24,  1921, 
Price,  two  Lincolns. 


Devoted  to  no  party  or  creed.  PubliBhed  in  the  interests  of  the  etudent  body 
and  other  noilsense,   Unv^e^t ,  unhonored,  and  uncensored. 

Editor-in-chief  -  Usa  Gillette.  Business  Mgr.  -  Ever  Reddy. 

Managing  Editor  -  Keene  Kutter.  Advertising  Mgr.  -  Otto  Strop, 

[ Agricultural  Advisor  -  Durham  Duplex,      


Entered  at.Amherst  P.  0.  as  waste  paper, 


^Circulation  abnormal. 


FRE  SB/IAN   NUIJIBER 


The  BLADE  takes  this  - 
opportunity  to  congratulate 
the  freshmen  -  pfobably  next 
year  there  \7ill  be  all  coeds 
and  no  freshmen.   But  that's 
neither  here  nor  there.  The 
girls  have  got  the  vote.  Let's 
.give  them  the  college.  Prexy 
won't  care.  Freshmen  co-eSs, 
you've  got  to  get  going, 
Aberdeen  Angus  must  be  filled 
next  year.  Anything  to  deprive 
the  colonel  of  an  army.  You 
little  fellows  vith  the  fuhny 
hats-  -  you've  been  cv/eeping 
the  rink  for  fifty  one. years 
and  it  is'nt  cleap  yet.  Vv'hat '  s 
the  matter;   '^ell,  we'll  call 
the  roll  at  the  arena  party. 
You  tell  'em,  freshmen,  you've 
been  thru  the  pond  and  got 
Salmon  for  President. 
EDITORIAL. 


l^,ii-vvhat  makes  you  so  little?  / 
1924  (Pratt) -My  mother  fed  me   ' 

on  canned  milk,  and  I'm 

condensed, 

A  freshman  is  a  "worm  of  the 

dust"^ -he  comes  along, 

wiggles  awhile,  and  then  some 
stenographer  gets  him. 

The  freshmen  v/ish  that  the 
varsity  hockey  team  wore  roller 
skates. 

1924-\Vhat  would  you  do  if  I 

kissed  you  on  the  forehead? 
Co-ed  -  I'd  call  you  dovm. 


THEY  SAY  IT'S  TRUE; 
Euiftry  and  Flint  were  out  ' 
sparking  in  perfect  Bliss 
oh  Toby  Hill,  Frost  Chased- 
them  thru  the  Hayes  on  a  i 
Bike,   They, got  Mader  and 
Emory  made  a  lot  of  Noyes, 
His  Darling  saw  some  Lyons 
in  the  Woods  and  they  began 
to  Ball,  Finally  they  met  a 
Shepard  sitting  on  a  Stone 
and  Emory  tried  to  Palmer  off 
for  a  Lamb.  Frost  raised  Kane, 
so  they  Steered  down  the  Rhodes 
to  Deuel's  where  he  combed  his 
hair  before  a  Dresser,  After 
they  had  Eaton  some  Salmon  and 
visited  the  v/ine  Sellers,  they, 
could  not  read  Macauley  or 
Goldsmith  and  the  Carpenter  had 
to  wheel  them  home  in  Barrows. 

Mrs. met  them  in  the 

Holv/ay  and  said  that  will 
DuBois,  We  ageee  with  Sherman, 
Waugh  is -„ 

It  is  said  that  they 
can't  hold  any  more  (?) 
informals  at  the  Drill  Hall 
until  they  varnish  the 
floors.  The  chickens  have 
picked  all  the  grain  out  of 
the  wood. 

TOPICS  OF  THE  DAY. 
"He  came  from  Amherst  fellows 

so  keep  ah  eye  on  him". 

"Do  I  look  like  an  Asiatic"? 

"I  wonder  if  you  can  all  see 
these  maps"? 


Mike  Gibbons  is  doing 
research  work  in  alcohols 
for  his  PhD  thesis, 

Gould  might  at  least  keep 
awake  in  assembly  until  he 
finds  out  who  the  speaker  is 
going  to  be. 

Vifondor  whose  turn  it  is 
to  introduce  the  assembly 
speaker  this  week,  We  suggest 
Putnam, 

Eat  string  beans  and  tie 
up  with  the  hash  house. 

Why  didn't  the  SQUIB-  ' 
inform  us  that  they  were 
going  to  become  an  'annual 
iijstead  of  a  bi-monthly. 

It  is'  rumored  that  the 
poultry  club,  judged  at  the 
Winter  Garden  and  the  Follies 
while  in  New  York.  Ask  Line, 

RULES  FOR  1-325  FROSH  BIBLE. 

1-  Thou  shalt  n-jt  smoke  in 
the  new  chera  lab  during  the 
first  term, 

2-  Thou  shalt  have  no 
seconds  at  the  hash  house, 

3-  Thou  shalt  salute  only 
coeds  and  Doc  Emery. 

4-  Thou  shalt  use  the  cellar 
door  at  the  "Abbey". 

5-  Thou  shalt  not  applaud  at 
Sunday  chapel. 

6-  Thou  shalt  not  rush  "phi 
Kappa  Phi. 

Don  Lent  wishes  that 
Andrews  wouldn't  start  any* 
more  fire  drills  while  he  is 
outside  North, 

Dean  Burn's  fame  is 
spreading  to  quote  "Abey" ; 
even  Dr.  Fitch  referred  to 
him  in  his  address  Sunday, 

The  Ag.  Ec.  department  is 
using  the  page  pound  system  to 
correct  Aq,   Ec .  26  notes. 


Fuller'!^  orchestra  get 
in  some  good  practice  at 
the  "Radiolite"  Botany  Hop, 
Doc  Er.iery  was  traffic 
officer,   .-hittaker  was  ruled 
out  on  personals  for  shimmying 
in  the  corner.  The  BLADE'S 
camera  mv-n   got  no  farther 
tha  n  the  punch  bowl  and  came 
back  with  a  blurred  impression, 

Margie  and  Avalon  scraped 
the  boards  at  ,a  campus 
house  dance  over  the  week 
end. 

Why  not  have  the 
informals  over  at  Smith 
now.  The  Drill  Hall  is 
socially  quarantined  and 
"Lord  Jeff"  has  put-  the  ban 
on  Amherst. 


The  BLADE  \vill  put  on  a 
one  act  play  at  the  Aggie 
Review,  entitled.  "Shavings" 
The  cast: 
RAZOR  "  A  gay  young  blade, 

who  nevertheless  xTOrks 

v/ell--- Keene  Kutter. 

BRUSH-  An  heiress  who  smoothes 

the  way—  Miss  Badger-Hare 
LATHER-  An  old  friend  of 

Razor—  Mr.  Cole-Gates 
BEARD'-,  A  villian  who  is 

finally  eliminated 

Mr,  hardas  Nales. 

Costumes  will  be  by 
Bathrobe  of  W  alshes. 
Scenery  by  Tiles,  Marble, 
and  Plumber, 

Anyway,  the  fellow  who 
buys  near  beer  has  no  kick 
coming. 

Smith  -  Is  he  going  to 

marry  you? 
Jilt,  Holyoke  -  I  can't  quite 

-  Make  up  his  mind. 

Next  week  —  Sophomore 
number  of  the  BLADE.  You'll 
be  surprised— ADVERTISEMENT. 


THE     RAZOR     BL.U)E 


No  rehoned  stuff. 
Vol.   11,  No.  4. 


January  31,    1921. 
Price,   two  Lincolns. 


Devoted  to  no   party  or  creed.     Published  in  the  interests   of   the  student 
body  and  other  nonsense.  Unv/ept ,   uhhonored,    and  uncensored. 

Editor-in-chief   -  Usa  Gillette,  Business  Mgr.    -  Ever  Reddy. 

Managing  Editor   -  Keene  Kutter.  Advertising  Mgr.   -  Otto   Strop, 

Agricultural  Adviscrr  -  Durham  Duplex 


Entered  at   Amiaerst  P.    0.    as  waste  paper. 


Circulation  abnormal. 


TO   1923. 
Sophomores   —  you're  in  a 
slximp.     Don't   crowd,   you  can't   all 
make  Phi  Kappa  Phi,   so  why  elect 
gut   covirses   like  Botany,    Zoo,    and 
Physics.     Yfliy  not   take  Aggie  Ed, 
Pomology,   or  Music.     You  must  have 
at   least   4  or  5   free  hours   a  week 
to   sleep   nov/;     the   faculty  re- 
quirement  is   only  2   and   lots   of 
them  dort't   get  that.      Don't 
worry,   Doc.  Torrey  will  help  each 
and   every  one  of,  you  make  the 
Dean's  board.     If   you're  going 
out    for  baseball   elect  Botany   27 
by  all  means.     It   helps   out   so. 
Another  point--  It  tooit  us  50  years 
to  get  a  cavalry  unit,   so  don't 
wear  out  the  Colonel's  horses.     If 
they're  like  the     rest  of  the  Gov/ 
College  equipment  they'll  have  to 
last   50  years   more.      50  more   at 
least EDITORIAL. 

Farmer— See  here,   youn'    feller, 
what  ye  doing  up  that  tree? 
Putnam— One  of   your  pears   fell 
dovm  and  I'm  trying  to   put   it 
back. 

It   is   understood  that   the 
faculty  are   opposed  to   a  banquet 
scrap  this   spring  because  they 
want   a  sophomore   class   next   year. 

Roger  Friend  tried   out  his 
new  idea  of  an  eight   man  hockey 
team  Saturday  afternoon.     The 
Seniors   liked   it. 


SOPHOMORE       NUIvlBER 


It's   about  time  for  the 
Colonel  to  get  his  ouija  out  • 
to   see  who  makes  the  Dean's 
board. 

TABBY'S  PROTEGEE 
Bob  Fuller  drilled  all  one 
afternoon  in  the  wrong  group  with- 
out knowing  it.     To  complete  the 
day  he  asked  in  class  meeting  if 
the  class   had   elected  the  INDEX 
board  yet.     Maybe  it  was   a  bad 
hangover   from  the  Botany  Hop  or 
else  he  Vifas   in  Salem.      Dr.   Daniels 
doesn't  know  yet. 

We'll  all  be  glad  when  spring 
comes   GO  Hollis  won't  have  to  ring 
the  bell  early  in  order  to  get  to 
classes  himself.      Subscriptions  to 
buy  him  a  bicycle  are  in  order 
anytime. 

The  sophomore  hockey  team 
will  practice  in  the  library 
diaring  the  cold  weather. 

Goldstein   '23  is  going  to 
put  on  a  the  skit   "O'Flannigan 
and  The  Fairies    "   ,    at  the 
Aggie  Review. 

A  1923  ELEGY 
Here  lies   Benjamin  Gam^ue 
He  learned  to  make  his     -own 
home  brew» 

Task  is  looking  over  the   freshman 
schedules   for  next  year. 
Preparednessi  ^ 


'•^he  only  thing  that  Doc 
Torrey  can  wear  ready  made 
is  a  handkerchief. 

HARRINGTON  IN  SOPH  PHYSICS 

Tis  to  say therefore— 

in  other  words   (long  breath) 
because  of-—  as  i  have 
explained Q.  E.   D, 

Some  of  the  sophomore 
Aggie  Ec  maps   look  like  one 
of  Doc  Marshall's   scarlet 
fever  cultures. 

Congress  has   just  passed 
a  bill  to  give  Sarge  ^ee  a 
saw  horse  and  make  him  a 
Rear  Admiral* 

Eat  Bias'    Akron  rubber 
sandwiches   for  a  bouncing 
good  time ADVERTISEiffiNT. 

"I   stole-  a  march  on 
them",  aaid  the  kleptomaniac 
as  she  walked  out  of  the 
5   and  10  mth  a  sheet  of 
music  in  her  muff. 

Fellows  th^t   stayed 
home  ta  study  Sunday  night 
had  to  use  Abe  LinQoln's 
method.     ¥/onder  how  things 
went   at  Smith  without   any 
lights? 

The  senior  basketball 
team  must  be  getting  good. 
They  don't  practice  any 
more. 

Now  we  know  why  its   so 
easy  to  get   a  rise  out   of 
Dooley  Williams.     H^'s  taking 
yeast  cakes   after  every  meal. 

Doc  Emery  is  taking 
home  economics  this  winter. 
That   leaves   only   embroidery 
for  him  to   elect  thii'd  term. 

ALL  PONZIS. 
Prof.  Banta  has   a  f-lock  of 
ten  hens  that   pays   for  the 
groceries. 


Stan  Freeman  and  Les  Bent 
certainly   showed  the  old 
Aggie  spirit  when  they  hiked 
tc   the  Harvard  game.      And 
wc-'ve  given  the  Hrimson  a 
good  dose  of   if  in  both 
basketball  and  hockey.    - 

Hash  house  menu^ —  Special 
for  mechanics—  Gaskets   and 
lubricant — knovi/n  ab  home  ao    " 
griddle  cakes   and  syrup. 

He-Have  you  many  fast  frienfls! 
She- (Indignantly)   I'm  not  , 
that  kind  of  a  girl, 

"Breathes  there  a  soph  vdth 

soul  so  dead, 

ViTno  never  to  himself  hath 

said?" 

--Some  chicken. 

—I'll  never  play  another 

■    game  of  pool  or  shoot 

crap  again  as   long  as  I 

live. 
— From  now  on,   I'm  going  to 

study  hard. 
—How  in  h didjie  ever 

make  a  fraternity? 
— fNo   more  Holyoke  brew  for 

mine . 
— Vifhat   a  hangdver. 
-'-I   made  a  damn  fool  of 

myself  over  the  mountain 
tonight-. 

If  there  is  let  him  step 
forward  and  receive  the 
elastic  crowbar. 

extra: : i 

Tarzan  is  writing  a  continued 

story  for  the  BLADE.  Creeper 

is  bringing  an  installment 

each  ?;eek.  Part  1  '.-■ 

—  'TTiras  on  a  summer  hayride, 

As  we  rolled   about   the  land. 

That  I  softly  called  her 

s?ife  et  heart , 

And  held  her (To  be  continued) 

SHORT   COURSES. 
All  the  winter   school 
students  had   for  the  f  i-E^ 
few  days  was   a  roll  call  and  a 
request  to  report   next  day.   ' 


BLADES  are  on  sale  every 

Ilonday   night--  ^vDVERTISEiCSCT. 


THE     RAZOR     fiLADE 


No  rehoned   stuff 
Vol.    11,   No.   5 


February  7,    1921 
Price,   two   Lincolns. 


Devoted  to  no  party  or   creed.     Published  in  the   interests  of  the  student  body 
and  other,  nonsense, ,    -      Unwept,    unhonored,    and  uncengored.   _•-.:-    •;,,•:/...' 


Editor-in-chief     -     Usa  Gillette. 
Managing -Editor.  -      -  Keene  Kutter. 

Agricull^ural  Advisor 


Entere-d  at  Amh-erst'P.   G.-.-,,    a.a  waste  paper. 


EusincDS..  Mgr, 
Advertising.Mgr. 
-     Durham  Duplex 


■-.,/Ever  Keddy 
-'•"•Otto  Strop, 


Circulation  abnormal. 


JUNIOR  MUJ.'IBER 


After  the  .Waugh  Gen,   -  -• 
Sherman  sent  a  Nigro 
Messenger  to  Chase- the 
Buck  out  of  the  Cotton.  But 
it  was  in  the  Spring;  he  was 
■Moody  and  took  a  Knapp  in 
the  Field,  sleeping  like  a 
Freeman,  iThile  the  Hurder 
was  trying  to  Hooper,  a  Cook 
came  to  Baker  and  Packer,  but 
the  Tanner  -said  it  was.:  against 
the  Law  to  be  so  Swift;. 
V/hite  Lyons  from  V.Brren 
could  hot  Pickup  or  -Carey 
the  Buck  to-  Smith. 
'Moral-Don't  try  to  pass  the 
Buck- EDITORIAL 

The  BLADE  will  go  to 
press  next  issue  on  tissue 
paper  so  that;  everybody  can 
see  thru  the  jokes- -■=- 

"Hodgson,  I91i2's  best 
bluffer,  made  a. clean  sweep 
at. Smith  Ijast  week  v^ith"  - 
Better  Brushes. 

Mrs.  Bachrach  -  Did  that  young 
man  kiss  you  last  night? 
Miss  Hurder  -  You  don't 
suppose  he  drove  90  miles 
to  hear  me  sing. 

Guess  Russel  v.dll  never 
g-et  out  of.  any  Botany  finale 

now.  !.,  '  '  -   _ 

.'Buck  Davis   rated  two, 
'  bids'  to   the'  coming'  co-ed 
valentine  party.     Wonder   hov; 
he   did  it. 


The  BLADE.  Junior 
elections :- 

Neatest   dresser-Lovering 
Best   athlet6-Degener . 
Best   dancer-Barnard. 
Womanh'ater-Leonard, 
Biggest   grind-Walsh 
Biggest  bluffer-Moody 
Best   naturedrE. Lyons.    ■ 
Smokestack-Spring. 
Social  light-Hussy. 
Roughhouser-Roland   Smith. 

Junior-Do   you  see   any 
oysters   in  my  stev/? 
Waiter-Isaw  one   last  week 
but   it  went  bact  to 
Boston  on  the  milk  train. 

If  you  t'ant  to  get  a 
co-ed  to  do  something  get 
her  to    say  she  v'on't 

The  Junior's  part   in 
the  nest   forum  ^vill  be 
a  series  of  Victrola 
selections. 

"Just  'vait  till   I  get 
ray  clothes  on",    said  the-    - 
laundress  as   she   got   on  the 
car  with  a  basket   of 
laundry. 

The  prospect   of   defeat 
must  have  been  the  thing 
that  made  the  B.    C.   hockey 
.captain   sick.  . 

A  LEATHER  ■'NICKEL. 
A'  suitable  pri2e  will"  be 
avjarded  to  the  one  whe 
suggests  the  best   yell  for 
the  winter   course    students. 


Everybody  was  afraid 
ro  talk  ajiout  the  hash  house 
at  the  student  forum.   It's 
a  good  thing;  we  might 
have  been  talking  yet. 

Some  dance. 

Some  prance 

While  talking  twaddle),' 

Some  glide 

Some  slide, 

Some  merely  waddle. 

If  Pickup  got  42 
(faculty  correction  41)  in 
an  hour  quizz,  using 
Admiral  Simms  watch,  how 
much  would  he  get  without 
the  Ingersoll? 

The  semi-collapsible 
barber's  chair  in 
Erysian's  tonsorial 
parlors  has  been  occupied 
by  such  men  as  Noah, 
Nicodemus,  and  Tabby 
f/ellington, 

DAIRY  75  FINAL 
Everytime  there  is  an 
earthquake  in  California 
do  the  cows  give  milk 
shakes?         _ 

Good  thing  we  didn't 
have  much  snov/  this  winter: 
Trafton  would  have  had   to 
shovel  a  path,  all  the  way 
to  Aberdeen- Angus. 

Edman  has  made  a 
great  discovery  in  Plant 
Physiology.   He  has  found 
that  the  way  to  eat  peas 
v/ith  a  fork  is  to  split 
them  and  squeeze  them  in. 

Prof ►  Salisbury  -  Aint  that 
a  fine  cow? 

Prof.  Gunness-  How  many  miles 
will  she  do-  on  a  gallon. 


Prof.  Phelan  hasn't, 
danced  much  lately.'  He  is 
■looking  for  a  concave 
lady. 

HYDRAULICS . 
Owing  to  pressure  of 
studies,  says  the  notice 
read  in  assembly,  the 
senior  basketball  team 
will  have  no  practice 
this  week* 

The  college  has 
provided  steam  heat  for  ^- 
the  comfort  of  the 
workmen  in  the  Memorial 
Building.  A  shipment  of 
easy  chairs  is  expected 
for  them  next  week« 

Doc  Fernald-  How  do  bees 
dispose  of  their  honey? 
Bromley  -  They  cell  it, 

Bounder-What  are  those 
trunks  over  there  by  tbe 
stage  door? 
Rounder-Those  are  the 
chorus  girl's  clothes. 
BoWder-Let' s  go  to  another 
show  then. 

The  second  installment 
t)f  Tarzan's  continued 
story:- 

little  raincoat. 

As  I  held  her  little 

raincoat, 

We  were  going  quite  a 

pac&, 

I  nestled  close  beside  her, 

And  moved  closed  to  her — 

(To  be  continued) 

The  military 
department  had  most  of  the 
cheering  section  in  North 
Amherst  last  Thursday 
during  the  hockey  game* 
The  old  helping  out. 


The  little  boy  sat  on 
the  bridge,  dangling  his  feet 
in  the  water Longfellow, 


THE     RAZOR     BLADE 


No   rehoned  stuff 
Vol.    11,  Wo.   & 


February  14,    lv21. 
Price,   two  Lincolns. 


Devoted  to   no   party  or   creed.  Published   in  the  interests   of  the  student 

body   and   other   nonsense.  Unwept,    unlionored,    and  uncensored.     . 

Editor-in-chief      -     Usa  Gillette  '  Business  Mgr.      -     Ever  Reddy 

Managing  Editor      -     Keene  Kutter  Advertising  Mgr.      -     Otto   Strop. 

Agricultural  Acivisor      -     Durham  Duplex 


Entered   at  Amherst  P.    0.    as  waste  paper. 


Circulation  normal 


SENIOR 
Vi/hatever  we've  said  about 
the  other  classes,  here's  to  the 
Seniors.     Congratulations  to 
you,   who  have   struggled  on  for 
four  years   and   are  now  so   near 
the  coveted   goal.     Up  thru  the 
stages   of   college   existence 
you'vo  come,   giving  us  of 
strength   and  leadership  to 
nake  old  Aggie  the  one  best 
bet.     For  man  power  you've  lent 
to   football,   basketball,   hockey, 
baseball  and  track  teams   and   for 
generous  support   of  these  and 
non-athletic  activities;     we 
thank  you.     'we'll  miss   you 
when  you're  gone — yet  in  your 
passing  we  can  but   say:-- 
thanks    for  the  memories   of   all 
the  Aggie  gip  and  spirit  you 
will   leave  behind   you  in  June. 
May   your  light  be   a  shining 
example  to  other  classes,    and 
yo\ir  shadow  never  grow  less. 
EDITORIAL. 

Prof.   Rand  -  T/hy   are  you  tardy! 
Palmer   -  The   class  began 
before  I   got     horo. 

College  profs   are   like 
Fords  because  they  give  the 
most   service   for  the  least 
mo  nEy . 

Doc   Simms-Statistics  prove  that 

marriage  is   a  preventive  o.gainst 

suicide. 

Bogholt-And   statistics   also   prove 

that  suicide  is   a  preventive 

against  marriage. 


NUIvIBER 


It  is  rumored  that 
V/ebster   is   raising  a 
moustache.     The  decision  of 
the  judges  will  be  announced 
later. 

-Dick  Liellen's   advice 
to  Phi  Kappa  Phi   aspirants ; 
Major  in  Aggie  Ed, 

Dean  ^ewis-  (in  English  25) 
What  is  your  favorite  poem? 
C.  Tovme-"At  The  Abbey  Door," 

The  track  team  did  not 
stop  at   the  U.    S.   Hotel 
last  week  end  because  the 
coach  did  not  want  George 
Slate  to  get  mixed  up  vdth 
the  chambermaids   again, 

LAUNDRYOLOGICAL. 
Doc   Chamberlain-Name  three 
articles   containing  starch. 
Morris  Reed   -  Two   cuffs   and 
a  collar, 

Vi/hat  was  that  white 
bundle  Gid  "Mackintosh  had 
under  his   arm  when  he  came 
from  Miss  Parker's      dancing 
scaool  Friday  night? 

ANNOUNCING—  The  opening  of 
Ralph  Russel's   nev;  office 
in  French  Hall. 

You  tell    'em  creeper; 
you're  a  man  of  letters. 


Prexy  has  about  as 
much  chance  of  getting 
appropriations  for  some 
new  men's  dorms  as  the 
BLADE  has  of  getting  the 
legislature  to  give  them 
,  a  new  office.  (Puzzle-Yifhere 
is  the  prdsent  one?) 


WHAT  YOU  WON'T  SEE  AT 
THE  AGGIE  REVIEW.  ' 
Johnny  0,  on  the  trapez. 
Doc  Itano  and  Prof.  Ashley 
in  a  three  round  bout,  catch 
as  catch  can. 

Prof.  Parker  in  R.  0.  T,  C. 
uniform  as  adjutant  of. the 
Amherst  batallion. 
Prof.  Patterson  as  Romeo 
and  Ma  Goessman  as  Juliet, 
The   Colonel  standing  up, 

ARROW  COLLARS. 
Doc  Marshall-How  do  the 
bacteria  differ  from  the 
protozoa? 

Pete  Cascio-The  bacteria 
have  celluloid  walls. 

In  Ec.  Soc,  26  the 
marks  ai-e  going  to  be  given 
on  the  basis'  of  40.  They 
started  the  other  day. 

The  BLADE  announces 
the  following  "cum  laude-r" 
elections  from  the  class  of 
1921  -  (all  have  a  grade  of 
40  or  better) 

Stevens. 

Sampson, 

Gaskill.  , 

Palmer  ' 

Sloan, 

Stiles. 

Webster, 

Davenport 

EVEN  AS  YOU  AND  I. 
Doctor  -  I'm  afraid  I'll  have 
to  operate  for  appendicitis. 
Little  beauty-  Oh  dear,  will 
the  scar  show? 
Doctor  -  Not  unless  you  go 
into  movie  acting. 


Hodgson  in  EC.  SOC.  '  "Who' 
was  the  incubator  of  that 
act? 

Dick  -  Doefe  she  dance 

badly. 

P.a:'l  -  Not  unless  the 

chaperonos  are   looking. 

Ve:    mak^  the  pants  last  by 
making  the  coat   first. 

I.  M.   LABROVITZ—  Advt. 

Zercher  and  Edman  are 
going  to  the  Mt.     Holyoke 
Senior  dance,  th'5y  have 
got   to   borrow  everything 
but  the  collai", 

ZOOLOGICAL  MUSIC. 
Phil  Arm strong  -  Are  you 
going  to  Doc   Gordon's 
l=^cr,')r8  en  the  appendix 
this  afternoon? 
Don  Davidson       -     No,    I'm 
tired  of  organ     recitals, - 

Bill  Snslling  got 
away  like  a  mJllion 
dollars  at  the   dance 
last   Saturday  night. 

Back  numbers  of  the  BLADE 
■are  on  sale  at  the  Aggie 
Inn ADVERTISEfffiNT . 

Creeper   just  brought 
us  the  third  installment 
of  the  continued  story 
Here   it   is 

-—closer  to  her 
umbrella. 

Closer  to  her  unbrolla, 

AS  she  nuraured  little 

r.ighs, 

The  yellow  moonlight 

bathed;  us 

jind  I  peoped  into 

(to  bi?  ccntinuodi) 

Prof.   Clark  -  Wiy  don't 
you  major  in  forestry? 
Sophomore  -   I  don't  think 
I'll  ever  sell  toothpicks. 


Now  we  know  what   is  the 

matter  with  the  chapel  bell, 

Fred  Hollis   runs  it  by  his   own  wateh. 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE, 


No  rehoned  stuff, 
Vol.  11,  No.  7. 


February  28,  1921, 
Price,  two  Lincolns. 


Devoted  to  no  party  or  creed.    Published  in  the  interests  of  the  student 
body  and  other  nonsense.     Unwept,  unhonored,  and  uncensored. 


Editor-in-chief 
Managing  Editor 


Usa  Gillette, 
Keene  Kutter, 
Agricultural  Advisor 


Business  Mgr. 
Advertising  Mgr. 
Durham  Duplex, 


-  Ever  Reddy 
Otto  Stp,;p« 


FACULTY  NUIvIBER 


We  have  a  Prof  in  mind 

\?ho  is  good  natured 

And  not  afraid  to'  smile. 

He  just  hates  to  give 

assignments 

And  never  springs  a  quizz 

Wot  one. 

And  in  marking  papers 

He's  fair  and  square 

And  human. 

IVhen  there's   a  hockey  game 

He  bolts, 

And  at  varsity  games 

He  roots  his  head  off. 

He  likes  hooch  and  jazz 

And  favors  co-eds. 

Perhaps  you  don't  kno'.v 

This  prof; 

TiVell,   we   don't   either 

Cause,    he's   in  heaven. 

EDITORIAL, 

(Apologies  for  the  above  to 
K.C.B.  &  Chesterfields.) 

• 

Several  of  the  faculty 
missed  their  calling.   There 
are  at  least  three  who 
ought  to  have  been 
policemen. 

Prof,  Hart  v/as  recently 
notified  by  the  C.V.  freight 
agent  to  call  for  his 
consignment  of  books 
because  they  were  leaking. 

Since  the  recent 
snowstorm  Doc  Chamberlain 
can  reach  the  mail  box 
without  standing  on  his 
tip  toes, 

Johnny  0.  has  sighted 
some  good  B.V.D.  weather  to 
the  southwest. 


Doc  Torrey  at  a 
recent  party  masqueraded 
as  a  ham  sandwich  by 
carrying  a  loaf  of  bread 
under  each  arm. 

The  faculty  will  hold 
a  coming  out  party  for  the 
stenogs  at  the  Faculty 
House,  Feb.  31-,  A  musical 
entertainmeni;  is  planned, 
with  Robertson  playing 
the  hum  strum,  Prof.  Ashley 
the  ukus,  and  French  the 
victrola,  Please  omit 
flowers • 

Doc  Cance-"An  advertisement 
is  a  picture  of  a  pretty 
girl  eating,  wearing, 
holding,  or  driving, 
something  that  somebody 
wants  to  sell," 

RUR.  SOC.   51.      •* 
Not  so  many  of  the       ''^b 
county  officials  .4 

recuperate  in  the  state 
penitent^ries  as  should.   It 
takes  no  brains  to  be  a 
lawyer  in  some  states, 
Graft  and  corruption  control 
the  government.  The 
lectures  center  around  the 
topic :"Is  anybody  ever  on 
the  level,  anyv/here, 
anytime?"  A  very  constructive 
course.  3  spasms  per  week, 

AGEONOMY  Z98 .   . 
New  course  for  winter  school 
students,  "Weeds  and 
Weeding"  by  A.  Planet,  Jr. 


The  faculty  reTay  team 
challenges  any  Kindergarten 
outfit  in  Hampshire  County. 
They  line  up  as  follcvs: 

Sarge  Lee  •' 

Doc  Marshall 

Doc  Itano 

Prof  Phelan- (Anchor) 

Seen  over  the  weak  end;. 
Hodgso-n  '22  in  his  Mexican 
float-away  pants.  He  can 
turn  around  without 
moving  the  pants. 

The  hash  house  meat  . 
comes  from  New  Zealand.   You 
probably  have  noticed  the 
foreign  taste. 

Strangers  hovering  around 
south  at  dusk  any  night 
must  not  be  alarmed  .at 
seeing  Harold  Poole  snow 
bathing  a  la  September  Morn. 

Doc  Emery  had  his 
dancing  lesson  last 
\7ednesday  night.  A  good  time 
was  enjoyed  by  all,  even, 
the  chaperones,  ask  Connie, 
he  knows*  ' 

"I'll  never  taka  another 
idrop",  said  the  souse  as 
;',he  fell  off  the  cliff. 

'The  BLADE  was  not 
published  last  v/eek  because 
the  Board  went  to  Mr, 
Washington's  birthday  - 
party »  A  good  time  v;as 
enjoyed  by  both. 

The  non-athletics  board 
entertained  in  Draper  Hall 
recently.  A  rough  game   of 
checkers  was  enjoyed.  Mr, 
Rand  led  the  cheering* 


LIBRARY  ACCESSIONS. 
"Better  Men  Than  'I  Have 
Lived,  But  I. Don't 
Believe  It".—  N.  S.  Sims, 
"Getting  Married  on 
Nothing  a  Year"-L,M. Lyons. 
"The  Saw  Horse  Manual" 

Col.  Walker. 

"Fertilizers  and 

Manures" —A.  B.  Beaumont, 

"Half  A  Leaf"—  A,  Page. 

For  our  just  desserts 
we  suggest  that  the  hash 
house  chef  use  hair  tonic  - 
(or  a  bathing  cap) 

ALIMNI  BULLETIN  EXCHANGES, 
'07—  Sec.  Watts  set  a  hen 

Feb.  .22, 
'19—  Joe  Snap  is  peddling 

milk  -in  Shelburne  Falls; 
'00—  Joe  Guzzi  has  just 
bought' a  new  radiator 
for  his  Ford  touring 
car, 

African  golf  balls: 
Roll,  Jordan,  Roll',  ' 

The  next  number  of  the 
BLADE,  will  be  the  Two  Year 
number.  » 

Hiras  there  anything  at 
all  in  college  that  the 
writer  of  the  COLLEGIAN 
Editorial  "Uneasy"  was  in 
favor  of? 

Last  installment  of 
the  continued  story; 
"And  I  peeped  into  her 
basket"* 

"Do  you  like  banonnas?",  she 
asked  as  they  strolled  by  the 
fruit  stand. 

"No,  no,"  replied. the  absent 
minded  Prof,  "I  prefer  the 
old  fashioned  nightgown. 


No  rehoned  stuff. 
Vol.  11,  No. 8. 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE. 


March  7,  1921. 
Rrice,  two  Lincolns, 


Devoted  to  no  party  or  creed.    Published  in  the  interests  of  the  student 
body  and  other  nonsense.     Unwept,  unhonored,  and  uncensored. 


Editor-in-chief 

Managing  Editor 


Usa  Gillette. 
Koene   Kutter. 
Agricultural  Advisor 


Business  M{ 
Advertising  Mgr, 
Durham  Duplex. 


-  Ever  Reddy, 
Otto  Strop. 


Entered  at  Amherst  P.   0.   as.  v/aste  paper. 


Circulation  abnormal. 


TWO  YEAR 


Methuslah  is  dead,  Caesar  is 
dead,  several  people  are  in  the 
hospitals  and  we  feel  uneasy, 
but  that  doesn't  prove  anything. 
There  are  more  people  found  dead 
in  bed  than  there  are  v/alking 
the  streets  anyway,  and  chapel 
begins  at  7:40.  There  won't  be 
anything  left  in  the  new 
administration  to  find  fault 
with  as  long  as  Prof.  Sims  is 
around.  You  can't  saw  wood  with 
a  hammer,  neither  can  you  hammer 
wood  with  a  saw,  which  all  goes  to 
prove  that  life  is  worthwhile 
after  all,  even  if  here  at  the 
cow  college  v;e  wear  out  the 
seats  of  our  trousers  -  not- 
withstanding.  Like  Huntley  in 
Pom.  We've  forgotten  what  we 
"were  arguing  about  -  but 
you  get  the  point  gentle  reader. 
Check  them  off,  add  them  up, 
divide  by  four  —  RESULT— 
nothing  at  all,  'A'e  thot  so. 
—EDITORIAL. 

Did  somebody  say  that 
they  sav;  MacLeod  goinr  up 
to  Aberdeen-Angus  Friday 
night  with  his  pajamas 
under  his  arn? 

Keene  -  f/hat's  that  fellow 

raving  so  about? 
Kutter  -  That's  Quirk  giving 

the  prof  a  few  pointers. 

Victrola  Burke  is 
buying  the  Holyoke  Street  ' 
Railway,  84-  cents  worth  at 
a  time . 


NUMBER. 

Two  year  co-ed   (tenderly) 

VifTien  did  you  first   know 

you  loved  me? 
C,  D.  Shaw  -  V*en  I  began  to 

get  mad  v/hen  people  said 

you  v;ere  brainless  and 

unattractive. 

The  Abbey  ought  to 
be  called  Eve's  Hall  instead 
of  Adam's  becr.\jse  John  is 
doing  research  work  on  the 
freshman  problem  at  Mt,  Holyoke. 

Guess  Charlie  Green  is 
building  some  new  stacks  in  the 
J.ibrary  cellar  or  else  he  is 
going  to  set  hens  down  there, < 
judging  by  the  lumber  on  the 
library  lawn  this  week. 

It  is  reported  that  Bill 
Snelling  is  going  into 
spring  training  by  sleeping 
on  the  floor  at  night « 

COLOR  BLIND, 
It  must  have  been  a  dark 
night  all  around  for  Joe  Newell, 
at  that  Amherst  dance  recently, 

R,  D.  Fuller  ♦23,  has 
returned  to  college  after  a 
weeks'  rest  in  Hamp, 

Prof.  -  Is  there  any 
connection  between  the 
animal  and  vegetable 
kingdon? 
Libby  -  Yessir,  hash. 

Kid  Gore  is  looking  for 
some  fireproof  cigars. 


Prof.  Sims  -  I'/hat  is  a. 

divorce  suit? 
John  Stockbridge  -  The 
opposite  of  a  union 
suit . 

.Y.M.C.A-,  NOTES.-  ■ 
Kid  Goff  -  Would  you  care  to 

joint  us  in  the  new 

missionary  movement?' 
Miss  Pollard  -  I'm  crazy  to 

try  it.  l£:  it  anythin-s 

like  the  toddle? 

Joe  Wood  hasn't  blown  all 
the  air  out  of  his'  -   " 
saxophone  yet. 

Miss  Bateman  (At   show - 

rehearsal-}-  That  new 

moustache  of  yours  is  a 

sight. 

R.  D.Bkker  -.Don't  knock  a 

moustache  when  its  doYm. 

Jack  Smith  is  a  good  a 
actor.  -He's  going  Into  the 

movies for  28  cents. 

Here's  a  quarter  Jack* 

EVENING  DRESS.(?j 
Dyna  Holman  ra.tes  a 
freshman  at  Mfe.  Hoi yoke.  He, 
says  that  the  more'  he  sees 
her  the  better  he  likes  her. 

Wonder  if "Mr.  Harris 
gets  any  additional 
salary  for  tutoring  the 
co-eds  after  class  hours? 

Doc  Marshall  -  ¥Jhat  are 

bacteria? 
Henry  Nigro  -  They  are  eg^s 

laid  by  yeast  cells, 

DEATH,  WTtSRE  IS  THY  STING? 
Larry  Pratt  broke  training 
Saturday  night  and  got 
Young  C^l)  at  the  Glee 
Club  Concert,   .         ^ 


Cohen  Leavitt  wab 
confined  to  his  desk 
Sunday  with  sore  shoulders, 
contracted  at  Mt,  Holyoke 
Saturday  night, 

poc  Emery  has  selected 
^  his  permanent  Botany  Hop 

Committee  which  consists  of 
ferry  Lindquist,  Ed  Tumey, 

and  Ezra  Pickup,  xvith  Fred 

Hollis  as. time  keeper. 

Dean  Burns  wajs 
nominated  by  the  sophomore 
class  for  next  president' 
of  the.  y.  S.  on  the  Farmer's 
Lazy  Party  ticket,  The 
BLADE  suggests  Putnam"  for 
Vice-Prep,  to  balance  the 
ticket  and  draw  the  votes 
of  the  Never  sweats,-   ... 

Wonder  if  Uncle  Josh 
is  going  to  speak,  on  the  _ 
Rural  Problem  in  chapel 
next  Friday, 

Question  for  the  Soph- 
Senior  Hop  Committee:-  If 
you  have  a  five  piece 
orchestra  in  the  Memorial 
Building  can  you  have  the 
Hop  in  there  too? 

The  migration  of  birds 
southward  in  the  fall  had 
nothing  on  the  Aggie 
migration  mountaihward 
last  Saturday  «ight.  The 
Glee  Club  must  have  felt 
at  home. 

The  Dean's  board  would 
Took  much  better  next  time 
if  the  Physics  Dept.  just 
publishes  the  names  of  those 
Bophomorfes  who  aren't  below 

Next  issue  of  the  BLADE 
will  ba  Farewell  Number, 
It  will  be  on  beautiful 
white  paper  with  illustrations 
by  Rembrandt. 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE. 


No  rehoned  stuff, 
Vol.  11,  No.  9. 


March  14,  1921 
Price,  two  Lincolns, 


Devoted  to  no  party  or  creed.     Published  in  the  interests  of  the  student 
body  and  other  nonsense.    Unv;ept ,  unhonored,  and  uncensored. 

Editor-in-chief  -  Usa  Gillette.  Business  Mgr.   -  Ever  Reddy 

Managing  Editor  -  Keene  Kutter.  Advertising  Mgr.   -  Otto  Strop. 

Agricultural  Advisor  -  Durham  Duplex. 


Entered  at  the  Amherst  P.  0,  as  waste  paper, 


Circulation  normal, 


Back  to  the  cosmos, 
away  from  this  lazy  campus, 
goes  the  RAZOR  BLADE.  Our 
only  excuse  for  di'^continuing 
is  that  it's  about  time 
to  start  taking  notes  for 
the  finals.   Agronomically 
speaking  we've  plowed  our 
last  furrow.  There  are 
several  who  will  welcome 
our  departure;  no  hard 
feelings,  we  have  tried  to 
get  everybody  and  some 
everyweek.   Rembrandt  did 
not  come  around  Saturday 
night  to  draw  the 
illustrations  for  this 
issue,  so  as  usual  it  is 
on  unglazed  paper.   The  new 
board  will  probably  not  be 
elected  till  next  year, 
and  probably  not  then  if 
Bob  Hawley  is  president 
of  the  college.  This  is 
essectially  a  second  term 
publication,  of  the 
foolish,  by  the  foolish, 
for  the  foolish.   Well,  here 
it  goes,  all  the  way  by 
buggy, EDITORIAL. 


If  it  wasn't  for 
Holway  Miss  Thompson 
would  be  mired  in  front 
of  the  math  building  yet. 
MacAfee  "'ould  never  do 
as  a  Sir  Walter  Raleigh. 

Wonder  how  Tubby  Long 
would  look  without  his 
M  sv.'eater  on? 


FAREVffiLL  NUflBER. 

Trafton  ought  to  fit 
pretty  well  v^dth  the 
Carpenters  by  now. 

ADDITIONS  TO  GEORGE 

CAJff BELL '  S  QUE STIOIJNAIRE . 

1-Do  you  ever  expect  to 

amount  to  anything? 
2-Is  there  anything  at  all 

on  the  campus  you  are  in 

favor  of? 
3-Do  you  ever  intend  to 

•.vork?     Vifhy? 
4-Should   sleeping   in 

assembly  be  made 

compulsary? 

The  price  of  haircuts 
must  be  pretty  high  in 
Hawaii. 

George  \7hite  is  the 
only  man  on  the  campus 
who  can  put  two  lollypope,  - 
in  his  mouth  at  once. 

"I  love  you" 

She  murmured, 

And  pressing 

His  two  cheeks 

She  drev;  him  to  her; 

But  failed  to  notice 

The  sluggish  stream  of 

tobacco  juice 

That  trickled  slowly 

Down  his  chin, 

D It. 

Diddle  Dunbar  is  decidedly 
dejected  oVer  the  d —  deep 
depression  in  dance  drumming 
engagements. 


^JQf  / 


Ken  Sloan  -  I  have  a  posixion 

with  the  C,   V. 

Doc   Cance  -  iJVhat.  are   you 

going  to    do? 

Ken  Sloan  -  Know  the  foller 

that  taps  the  freight  oar 

axles  to  see  if  they  are 

alright?   I'm  going  to  help 

him  listen. 

Roland  Smith  is  just 
learning  to  toddle. 

The  Roister  Doisters 
can  have  their  pictures 
taken  without  the  wigs, 
but  stockings  are  almost 
an  essential. 


7:30  chapel  I  love  best, 

I  love  to  rise  before  the 

re  si;.. 

I  love  to  raiss  my 

breakfast  too; 

I  do,  I  do,     like  hell  I  do. 

He  deftly  sought  my  lips 

My  h-jad  he  did  enfold, 

Then  he  broke  the  silence 

with, 

"Shall  the  filling  be 

silver  or  gold?" 

The  hash  house  has 
discovered  a  nev?  relish, 
clean  up  the  kit'-ihen 
salad,  mth  standard  oil. 


The  hash  house  chef 
will  sing  a  solo  at  next 
Sunday  chapel,  entitled 
"Where  has  My  Lima  Bean?" 


Nat  Ames  has  been 
eleci.od  presidf-nt  of  the 
latest  campus  institution, 
the  noH-acyivJ/tiss  board. 


The  Memorial  Building 
is  serving  as  a 
recreational  center  for 
Carlson's  workmen. 


It  being  near  the  end  of 
the  term  Dr,  Potter  had  a 
large  c.-U'igregation  for 
t7;o  of  the  three  lectures. 


The  staff  of 
instruction  of  the  Botany 
department  has  several 
cases  of  sleeping  sickness. 
Quiet  hours  will  hereafter 
be  observed  in  the 
building. 

Little  bits  of  wisdom 
Larger  bits  of  bluff 
Make  the  profs  all  ask  us, 
Where  we  get  that  stuff? 

Prof.  Patterson  -  Diana  T;as 
the  Goddess  of  the  chase, 
Abele  -  Is  that  why  she  is 
always  pictured  in  a 
track  suit? 

The  final  in  music  is 
not  scheduled.   It  will  be 
given  at  Miss  Ashley's 
home,  March  25  at  sunrise. 


The  wd.nter  course 
students  will  be  rating 
comnencemen^:  exercises 
within  a  few  years. 

Co  -  Set  the  alarm  clock 

for  two , 
Ed  -  You  and  who  else? 

The  marks  of  the 
sophomores  in  Phu^sics  26 
and  27,  added  together, 
might  pass  some  of  them. 

Pants  |2.00  a  leg,  seats 
free. 

ADVERTI  SEJiJENT—— Walsh. 

The  non  athletic  board 
can  take  over  the  BLADE 
now,  with  the  exception 
of  the  treasury. 


t :; 


The  Massachusetts  Agricultural  College 
RAZOR   BLADE 


Vol.  Ill 
-No.  2 


February  13,  1923 
Price;  Tv70  lincolns 


'Devoted  to  no  creed  or  pairty.  Published  in  the  interest,  of  the 
editorial  board  and  to  the  disgust  of  the  student  body. 
Uhv/ept,  unhonored,  and  uncensored. 
..Editor-in-chief-  Usa  Gillette     Business  ragr.-  Evva  Reddy 
Managing  editor-  Keen  Kutt3r      Advertising  mgr,.-.  Otto  Strop 
Agricultural  advisor-  Durhan  Duplex 

Entered  in  the  P.  0.  at  Amherst,  Mass.,  as  waste  paper.  Circula- 
tion-  rotten;  advirtising-  up  to  you. 


.We  can  tell  by  the  express 
v/agonson  your  faces,  gen- 
tle readers,  that  you  -feel 
confoundly  v/ell- stuck  v/hen 
you  subscrj.be  your  small 
contribution  for  the  bet- 
terment of  this  page  but  in 
the  v/ordo  of  some'  of  our 
fakirs  at  a  recer.t  Aggie 
Fair  "Don't  get  stu:ig  by 
the  other  fakirs,  eerie 
here".  We   cheerxulHy  admit 
that  Adam  gave  himself 
colic  by  his  increasing 
chuckling  over  some  .of  the 
bits  of  so-called  huiTio'''  but 
as  Dod  Torrey  once  told  us 
"learn  by  the  experience  raf 
US-  v.ho  are  not  fools"  but 
most  of  US  are  such  da^Tinabl-e. ' 
■fools  -that  v/e  are.  not  fit.  to 
be  in  college (Figure  it  out 
for  yourself).  Thus  v/e  hope 
that  some  of  these  choice 
bits  v;ill  strike  a  respon- 
sive chord  in  your  inmost 
beings.  Me   thank  you. 
The  Staff. 


Ed  Tumey's  latest: 
Say,  that  bird  is  the  flow- 
er of  his  family. 
Howzat? 
Well,  He's  a  blooming  idiot. 


EXTRA--EXTRA111 

DOC  HARRIITGTON  HAS  NEW 
ADDITION 

To     His   Vocabulary 

It  is  v/ith  the  greatest  pleasure 
that   the  BL.r\DE  announces  to   its  pa- 
trons that  our  beloved(?)   Doc  Harr- 
ington has   recently  acquired  a. 
nev.'  addition  to  his  vocabulary-. 

In    stead  of  using. the   archaic 
"I  predict"   he   is  using  Doctor 
Coiie  '  s  method  and  calls  upon  his 
class   to    "Consentrate  upon   this". 

It   is    said   that   the    system 
failed  to   f/ork  when  he   tried  to 
raise  \1A2n   tv/c-nty  .pounds  v/ith  a 
thvoe   amp   curvent;. ,   He   did  not   say 
v/hether  the   cic-es   faj.led  to   con- 
centrate  enoTigh  or  not. 


Little  Willie   from  the  mtiirror 
licked   the  mercury  all   off 
Thinking  rashly  in  his   error 
That    'twould  cure  his  v/ho oping 
cough'. 

At    the   funeral  Vi^illie's  mother 
Wecpiri^':  said  to  Ilrs.  Brov;n 
"Was  a  ch.L?.".3'-  day  for  V/illiam 
Wlien   the  I.lercury  v/ent   dov/n"  . 


TliE   RAZOR  BLADE - 


.2    ?ebuaryl3,    1923 


We  have   just  received 
a  new  lot    of    sa'uple.s   of 
Ti  1 1  i  am  •  c    Sh.  a  v  i  1 1 5  G  7'  e  am  - 
iJr.    WilXiains  himself  must 
have  visited  our   campus 
ana  seen   the   needs   of   seme 
0  jt;  us. 

One   of  oi^r  prominent 
seniors  want   calling   Sat- 
uj. day  evenir.;^.   The  next 
noon  v/hen   the   object   of 
his   affections   got  up 
her  mother-  vras  heard  to 
b ay :    "Mary ,    I do n  '  t  mi nd 
3?-cur.  youn'Q.m.B.n   read;ro.g 
the    Suiiday  paper  h-at  v/hen 
'h'e    drinks  up   the  rf.iovrJ.r±g 
irJ'lk  that's  going   a   bit 
too,  fa];,'*  ..■, 

."Ursolicit^d-a:dvertis- 
,  ing"    is    the-  only, .thing 
that'^'e,.' "donj*'t   do'   nothing 
else  but-''    Wio  '  &,  pe :'x? 

Beeipro-'Ci-ty  j  s   alvays 
welcdne-.    Thani*:  3'ou   for      .^-:;: 
our  .unsolic j  ted   adve.r- _ 
tising  ,. ,  Mr  ,    Hannai         ■ '  , "  " 

-We  hear'  i.hat  thare'ls- 
&^  10-day   cduTS&a.t  .Aggie 
nbv;.   Drag  'on  .the-  10-inic- 
u te   course-  -we'  v/o ul dh  '  t 
have  'time   to    flunk"   tha.t .' 


Father:    Yvliat '  s  your  room!,-- 
mate   like?  \.. ^ 

Ddn:    Damn  near   every     •      - 
thing  I   go  1 1  '..^ 

A.B-/:'  That's   a  ^arapy  .■:'  '  ■ 

ohair ;you ' ve  '  go  t . 

B. S.:   \^h;at   do   you  mean  ,,v';'" 

vampy?     „'"  .  . 

A .  L  . :    Bar  e ,  legs,  loW  b  ack' , 

and  not  ■.much  upholster^-''. 


EEAT^JRES 
(We  ought  to  lay  off  the  fac- 
ulty now,  but  the  following  v/as 
iiahded  La  by  an  ardent  admirer 
and  it  is  too  good  to  keep.  You 
see  that  we  v/elocme  any  contri- 
butions with  pleasure.) 

Features : 
Can  jT-ou   feaiure    "Herr*' -Ashley  in 

a  one.,  piece  bathing   suit-? 
or    ''Pat"    as   a.  proh.:.bition  a-    ;nt? 
or    "I   predict"  Harrington  explain- 
ing  the  -fourth   dimcnshioi:? 
or   Cat   Shu.felf  at   a  pink  tea? 
or    "T^ggie"   Foo?.d  telling  a.   snappy 

stci"'\y? 
or   S)oG    C''"'nce   teaching  a  gut  course? 
or  Buj.l  Prince   as   a  -ID  mechanic? 
or    "Bi.i-liai'ds''    Sav/ belle   as  Phi 
Kappa  Phi?     tIJ,  IS»  l« 


"ily  girl's   l.-'ke   a   jewelry  firraT" 
"Hcv7d.-:a' get   that  way?" 
"Basj;   and  Willde  ." 

3_  3_  Z_ 

Bash:  Wouj.d  you  mind  if  I    sat    closer 

to  yo'/.? 

Pull:  Yrts,    I'm  afraid  that  you'll 

Bash:  InIo  ,    honest    I   won't. 

Pall:  Tnen  whats   the   ase? 

In  C3.se  ox  a.tj  absence  of  MaoKim- 
"mj.e^  we  .^niggest  tncvt.  Tl^tz  be  given 
,  a  chance    to   pro've  his  worth.    ,- 

.Mr,  Bdgholt  wishes   to    anrnunce 
th.avt  ha  has  b can  unable   to   obtain 

■anymore   psyc}j.clog^    tests   for 

Eb^.'I-"-  but   expects  a  nev;  batch  any 

'■■tike.'-.    • 

>  .«  -J  ™  •'  •»  •• 

,  ■.^■'  .,  Quij.-'i'^Lea  of  no.thing  at  al^. : 
;'',4' coupJr^ '"O'f  24 's    totting  on  horse 
>rac2$   af'fi-xa.  M0-VIE3c 

•  ..-'   ■  '''Were   you   ever  pinched  for  going 
+,00x  fast?" 
. ':"'     "llo^    but'  L'T'e  been   slapped*" 


THE    RAZOR 


iLi^J^E 


Vol.  Ill 
No  .  3 


•   -Feb.  19,  1923 
Price:  Tv/o  Coppers. 


Levoted  to  our  motto:  Every  week,  in  every  way  we  aer  getting 
"Better  and  better.  Published  v/eekly  in  the  interest  of  the  editor- 
ial board  and  to  the  disgust  of  the  ot'ident  body. 
Unhonored ,  uncensored.  and  unhung. 

Editor-in-chief-  Qle    ffocia.bJ.e 

•,  ..   Business  manager-  R.E. Honed  &  Willie  Sellem 

Nov/  entered  at  the  P.  0  .'  at  A^nherst,  Iilass.,  as  first  class  stuff  ■ 
Ask  Oideeper.   Circulation-  reviving.  ,.  Advirtising-  by  all  who 

read  it . 


KUTTOniAL 
A  •■■'ord  about  our  corn-  . 
pctitors..if  you'll  allow 
v.s  ■    --   l-he  Raspberr:  os  has 
:ecently  devoted  a  aaole 
editorial  to  the  RAZOR 
i?I.^;£5i .  Th  e  c  0  -  e  d  p  ap  e  r 
seenls  to  shcv/  very  accurate 
iudgement  in  considering  us 
a  very,  e-xcellent  paper-  As 
to  ■'thorn--  "v.'e  are  thankful 
that  they  do  not  publish 
Rj^p'be:T.1  ss  broadcast  for 
the n ";.'&"  fear  t ha t  our  c i r - 
culation  might  be  suddenly 
afflicted  y/ith  heait  fail- 
ure. Ask  any  of  the  hockey 
team--  most  of  them  made ■ 
visits  to  friend  Abigail 
merely(?)  to  read  its  en- 
chanting pages  (both  of 
them).  3y  the  way,  their 
material  is  not  confined  to 
raspberries  but  include  a 
certain  species  of  pears, 
also  --^but  as  laug  as  n'o_ 
lemons  are  included, , all  in 

-ell . 

As  to  the  Dumbbell  of  ■ 
Draper  Hall,  we  cannot 
speak  so  favorably  of  her. 
Since  she  confins  her  jte.!aa 
remarks  to  verbose  comments 
of  aisaproval  and  such  con- 
tinued stories  as  The  Loves 
Of  Lil/,  far  be  it  from  us 
to  -i^ifsiit.^  them.  --'.Ve're 


not  given  to  flattery,  anyv/ay. 

However,  being  of  generous  na- 
ture, 7/3  wish  good  i.uck  and 
happiner^r  to  uc  all. 

We  thank  you, 

The  Staff. 

Sign  in  the  Academy  of  Music  in 

Hx-inr : 

PLEASE   LO   NOT    SPIT   TOBACCO    JUICE 

ON    THE-  ELOOR" 
Has    Smith  take.n  up   a  nev/  habit??? 

Ilrs.   Marsh,    the   Abbey  matron, 
has   a  new   signal   for    ''tine   to 
eiose  u"p    shop"   consisting  of  a 
bunch   cf   keys'.  .         ' 

Too   bad  you   didn't  hear   it 
sooner .    Gus I 


If  v/e   are  permitted  to    quote 
Raspberries:    They  v/r.ite   that      "a 
c ere a7rr  young   lady  is   very  often 
dis-GUS-ced".'" 


'Due   to    a  printer's   error,    last 
Beek  we   failed  to   acknowledge   that 
some   of   the   ;jokcs  were   taken   from 
lu  I    T   VpjD,  Loo.  ai.d   the   Tufts   Tuf- 
Tcn:ij^.   We    a~n't'w.ish  to   claim 
arTytMng   that   isn't    "ourn" 


Our   idea  of   a  dumbbell: 

The  guy  that  thinks  that  the 
Dean's  Board,  costs  |7.00  per 
v/e  ek . 


2. 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE 


Feb  .  19,  19?i5 


One  of  our  readers  was 
recently  heard  expressing 
the  opinion  that  Zekie 
will  make  a 
player  --he 
often . 


rotten  pool 
scratches  too 


cumin 


Spring  must  be  "a- 
in"'  (as  Pat  v/ould 
say),   y/e  have  noted  the 
absence  of  jewelled  orna- 
nerats  popuiarlA/-  supposed 
to  be- worn  over  the  hearts 
of  numerous  of  otir  amorous 
swans  and  have  even  noted 
the  transferehce  of  one 
'to the r  way.  '  Sort  6f  a 
double  pin  service,  don't 
cha  know. 


Ac  Cording  to 
ists  maJ^e  their 
angles"  ... 


Pa't  "Art- 

women 


I  seg  you  took  your  ' 

lab  .  la-s  '  night . 

I.  did  not ;.  'I  .went  to 

my  girl .   '"   , 

I  know  It  --i-sn  't  ' 

the  apple  of.  your 


Dumb- 

■  Pom 
Bell- 

,  see 
Dumb- 
she 
eye? 

OUR  TELEPHOHE  SYSTEM 
Operator  (to  Don  calling 

up  the'  Abbey)-  Another 

n i c kal  ,•:  please,  y o  u' '  v e 

tqilkeA   overtime  ,  . 
Don-  All  I  've  got.'s'  a 

dime;  here  it  is .' 
Operator-  Huh,  think 

smart  do,n.t  ya? 


your 


No,  v/onder-  the  RAZOR 
BLADE  is  pretty  good,  says 
one  reader,  the  editor  is 
quite  a  joke  himself. 


.  "Must  have'  v/armth  at 
any  price  ,  "_^  said  Eaneuf 
as  the  waste  paper  .  basket- 
began  to  burn 

Long  -yi'll  for  'E4  bas- 
ketball team,.,,  they 've,., 
Vv'on  a  g^me  |  \l:  i  \  I '.  '.  '.■ ',  !■','.• '. 


He- 


Let's  play  cafeteria 


She-  G'v^?.n,  I 'm  a  benevolent  so- 
cie:^y . 


Bhe-   ■'jVhat   is   the  name   of   that 

line   j'-ach-o? 
He-      That    is   the  Belvadere . 
She-   And  who   ovjT.s   the   Belva? 

FAMOUS      SAYINGS 
Eric   Lamb-    Don't   take    it   out 

on  me  ■ — - 

Doc  Gordon  hasn't  a  stomach; 
he ^ s  got  an  aching  voice.  The 
old  reprobate  ate  sir.   pieces  of 
pie  the  other  night  and  thereby 
claims  the  college  reccia^.  All 
aspirants  for  said  championship 
wel.come .    __«_._ 
OUR  IDEAS  OP  ABSENTMINDEDITESS 
The  man  vtHo   tries  to  paj'' 
for  his  meal  wtih  his  napkin 
and  v/ipes  his  mouth  with  a 
■   '$10  bill'.': 

.He  (a  Pom  m.ajor}-  We  studied  the 

Primate  yesterday. 
She-  Tnat  mjust  be  something  new; 

I  've  heard  'of  the  Packard  Tv/in 

Sis  but  never  of  the  Prime 

Eight  .■         '  ■,^ 


A  little  girl  seeing  a. kitten 
in  front  of  a  car  m^ade  a  v/ild  dash 
to  save  it  but  v/hile  succeeding 
in  saving  the  kitten  was  hit  by 
the  car =  Her  mother,  in  summing 
it  uxj  to  '  the  reporter,  replied: 
"And  the  first'  thing  I  knew 
"theyaclled  up  and  said  that 
"Mary  was  in  the. hospital  and  had 
"a  kitten."  '.. 


High"  Wb.at'3  the  difference  between 
a  girl  and  a  specuiatio  in  bad 
stocks , 

Lo-  There  aint  no  difference; 
theydre  both  damsels. 


MacLaughlin  wishes 
eluded  in  MacKimmie's 
Substitutes . 


to  be  in- 
list  of 


XL  MATES.3AL   IH   THIS   ISSUE   OF    THE   RAZOR   BLASE  HAS   BEEH 
COiTTRIEUTEP  BY   TtlE   ABBEY  RASPBERRY. 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE 


Vcl.    Ill 
No  .    4 


Eeb  .    26,    1923 
Pr  i  '^  8  :    t  vvo    cppp e r  s 


Publj. ?>ied   this. 
all 
v/e   s.sk? 
Winked  at   by   the   censf^r 


th2  iiioniy  and  v.s   dc 


for   Vj^e  bejiefit   oT  loca],   charities,    Tney  ha^ 
all  the  v/ork.    Isn't    that    just   like   a  man, 

Smiled   at  by  the    r.t.idents. 


EDITORIAL 

One  day  after  llr  .  Kipling 
had  called  up  his  girl  e.nd 
had  been  turned  down  flat, 
he  sat  dovm  and  to  ge  i  even 
wrote  a  poem  that  has  ever 
since  been  quoted  -  by  men  - 
"The  female  of  the  i^.peoies 
is  more  deadly  than  the 
male".   V/e  suppose  that 
R/ZOR  BLADE  had  this  in 
mind  in  turning  their  pet 
paper  over  to  us  for  this 
issue.  We  specialize  in. 
fresh  -  but  net  t^o  fresh  - 
fruits.  We  admit  that  being 
being  merely  'nf   the  "in- 
fernal feminine"  v/e  don't 
knov;  so  much  about  ra^^or 
blades,  but  the  prospect  of 
getting  into  print  at  tv.-o 
cents  a  lock  v/as  too  allur- 
ing, and  Y/hen  Adam  tempted 
us  vie   follor/ed  his  example 
and  fell.    Raspberry'. 


These  things  v/e  v/ish  to 
know,  considering  the  last 
issue  of  this  cutting  doc- 
ument: vyhy  did  Doc  G'^rdon 
have  "an  aching  voice"? 
Did  he  have  to  yell  too 
hard  for  his  six  pieces 
pie?  ■'Ahy  not  try  Sm.ith 
Bros.  Cough  Drops,  Doc? 
Also,  v/hoinell  are  the 
"  am.o  r o  u  s  sv/an  s  "  ?   We  c  an  '  ■ 
find  them  not  even  in  the 
chicken  coops. 


of 


## 


:i JlliJiJl.U.JlJl-ll.llJ.UUl    JM-Il 

--fr—Trrrr-iiri-rTtTrTrtr  Tnr 


I'lT .   Putnum,    one  of   these 
Earnest  men,    v/ent   dov:n   to 
a  hockey  game   at   Amli.erst 
and   sm.oked  a  big  black 
cigar   dijring    the  7/hgle 
shov/ .      Re   hciird  rf   the.,  dariger 
of "flying  pucks"    and  had 
his   OY/n   littJe   bug  kil-'ier 
handy.'     An  agriculturist- 
is   a  practical  man  I 


She;  Go.ing  to  the  movies 

Sr -night? 
Her:  Not  a  chance. 
She:  It's  going  go  be  good. 

''To  Iiave  and  to  hold", 

I  th;i.i:y- . 
Her:  I  kncv/  it's  going  to 

be  good. 
She:  What  do  you  m.ean? 
Her:  To  be  had  and  held.  I've 

got  a  date  '. 


And  apropos   ef   the   above, 
v/e  hear   that  J'lr .    Hanna  had 
to   give  Tjp  his   discussion  on 
"Petting  Parties,    yes  or  no?" 
be:ause   there  v/as   only 
one  man  v/ith  enough  ex- 
perience   -    or   calm  enough 

to  talk  on  the 
not  estab- 
in  Modern 
five  full 


exp eriences  - 

subject  .   Why 

lish  a  Course 

Petting,    v/ith 

tine    lab   periods    a  v/eek, 

remedy  /this   distressing 

of   affairs? 


to 
state 


THE  RAZOR  BLADE 


Feb.  26 


Chick 'd  little  cliuchle; 
"We    can't  sell  them  unless 
you  1)1  ly  '  era ,  and  I  fh  1  nk 
that  you  i'reshmen  ought 
to  a  lot  -  you  have 
lots  of  money."    Yeah, 
mayhe,  -  lots,  just  like 
the  people  v,h.o  care- 
lessly buy  submarine 
real  estate  -•  lots, 
that ' s  all , 

4 


EAT 
HOLIIS'    IIEALTH  EOOD      ' 

Oh,    its  bran  mash  every 

day     ■ 
liVhen  I    study  or   I   play- 
If   you  ask  me  why  I'll    say 
'         ■•         l.ly  calories . 

They  frolic   in   the  mash 
Tho   they're   dormant   in  the 

hash; 
So   eating  you's  n  ot   rash 
My  calories . 


Eamiliarity  with  Holyoke 
and  a  cheer   leader's    job 
make   a  good  combination.    You 
can   call    the   girls  by  their 
first  names   and  the   president 
by  her   last.    "Three    cheers 
for  Vfoolley"   and  novi  that 
that    is   done,    let's   go 
to    the  movies,    Georgette. 


She   -   That  music  makes 
me  ¥/ant   to    dance    the  v/orst 
way  I 

He    -  Yes,    but   don't   do 
it.   We  would  get  put  att 
the   floor  , 


THESE   EOUR 

-   110   MORE 

RAZOR  BLADE:    Our  brother 
papei    so   v/e   can't   anything 
abou'c    it. 

KEITSSIS:    A  new  one.      V/el- 
come   to   our  hostilff  circle. 

DUlffi  BELL:    We  know  one  var- 
iety but  not   the  paper    sort. 

RASPBERRY:    The   last's   the 
best   of   all   the   gang, 
That's   one. 

The  v/orse   they  come   the 
more   ^bey  look,    say  we 
smilingly. 


Have  you  a  little   flapper 
on    feour   desk?   "Wlien   Joe    Spa- 
ghetti  brought   then  here   first 
they  were  pure   and  whits ,    but 
one   of  ■'"h'-jsfe   collpge  nights  ' 
ha^   ruineu    them.      Red  hair, 
striped   soctes,  .orange  hats   - 
everything.   Every bhing,    v;e 
mec-in-,.   for   the  . A-merlcan    flap- 
per.. She  ■  s  p :^ e  t ty  '  go 0  d ,    but 
parle^-vov.s   francais?    She's 
it:      V/e   are   tel^iing  you   the 
bare    -er  -   facts .  ■ 


That's  all  there 
is ,  there  is  no 
more  . 

RASPBERRY . 


T   H 


RAZOR 


BLADE 


Vol.    Ill 
To.      5 


'^'^arch  6,    I923 


Price:    tv/o    coi 


Derotid   to   our  :,'ioLi.o:   'il\\'ery  iweek,    in   every  '''ay  iie   a.re   getting   better 
and  b:itter.    Published    '/eekly   in   tlie   interest   of   the    editorial  l30.?.rd 
and   to   t.i-i.e   disf^uct   of  "the    st-'.'dent  t-ody. 

ViiibO'iored,    i-n;;er^co-:crt^    and  unhung. 
3ditor-3.n-ch.ief:    0±e   3oc:iafcle 

Business  rranager:   R.   E.    Honed  and  Willie  Sellen. 


Not?  entered  at   the  'P.   0,    in  .Anlierst   as   f  .irs  t-clas^-5   tjtaf  f  .    Ask 
Creeper.    Cix'culaticii;   raT3."'?ing.  ivlvertinjiig:   By  all  v/ho  read    it. 


■    EDnORIAi 

It's  nice    to  be   aa  el- 
itoj"   and   say  nice"  things 
about   the  riuruerous  ito-pul cir , 
urpopuDar,    inditiersnt   in- 
dividiiaJs  upon   cur  'cai^ipus, 
ViTe  haTB    it   from  the   author- 
.^ty   of  Ostranderr' s  wea^^her 
bureau  that  Spring   i='   acom- 
ir.g   Iti  and   our  lircle   ^ji-D- 
r.hets.such  as   the'  tuixhvr- 
and-molasses   frier^ds,    etc, 
also   assure  us    01    the    pare 
thing,   ifow.  every  cng    ax    cur 
great  and  gDorioiis    svideut 
body,    according    jo   C:>m 
of   our  antho:i^itien,has  a 
hidden   chapter   3n  hi-  life 
—a  chapter  f\0.1   af   di.:'e 
calamities   arid  eTi.:    doe-ls. 
It    is   our   intentioj   to   ,;iV3 
air   to    said   atrocities   aiid 
do    it   in   such  a  way  tha't . 
our  readers  v7a.ll  Have   no 
incl ir at i on   to   fo'l ?.ov/  _,j.?i  v 


their  foctste^. 


ei-h 


LUi 


se'iuf^nce  tread  the  rtx-aight, 
and  narrow  palh  tu  f^terni-J 
glory.  Tiie  coning  .of  sp^-^ing 
also  brings  to  cu.r  doors 
eld  village  gost:ip  ^/z'tn  mai-jy 
wiex-c''  and  art ravagent  talcs- 
so  dig  tne  dirt  oat  of  your  ' 
ears  and  d:".g  xu 


¥e  thoTik  you,' 
The  Staff. 


H 


lAlILIAR   CAI'lFUS   CI-IAR!.lC'iERS  ■  - 
Bicycle  Barnes-  One  plow   in  front 

Pone   of   our   seroirs   ar^  Tfe.lid 
baseball  fans  .  •■•-They* re   culti- 
vating baseball  gaiijes    — ^   oxi   a'     -  [ 
s:'de.   Seme    of   them  have   to  p-la,y   "' 
scrub  because   of  lack  of  playerj'. 

iil'TSV/ER  TO  LAST  WJZIEK^S  PUZZLET 

Doc  Gordon  had  an  aching 
voice  because  he  \ised  a  tender 
voice  too  often  and  strained 
it. 

mmD   ;J  THE  ABBEY: 
Just  look  at  that  bite  on  my 

ear;  isn't  it  lerrib^.e? 
Did  they  shoot  the  dcg?      •  ' 
It  wasn' t  a  dcg. 

Barrows-  are  you  guilty  of  that? 

t 

We  are  wondering  if   the  boys 
from  the  rviral  district3 
have   ever   seen  a.'.ibu.lsji.oaa. 
T'other  night   a  fev:  cf.    t'lsr"/ 
v7oke  us  up  by  giving   ve.nt  to 
ex^iressions   of  wonder  at     the 
new  phenomenon. 


2, 


THE  RAZOR   BI'.,ADE. 


IN  CLISS    .mD   OUT  .      . 

*')(■  ■ 

Ha,rringtoa,  to  Sirr.pson  '25. 
•'I  malst  that  v,?iat  wlxidow 
be   left   open,". 

Church   »25,    tc  Prof.    Julian: 
•'Didn't   all   the  poets  use 
poetry/" 

From  a  Llilit&ry  2^  paper: 

"A-  soldier  ***  does   soiT_ething 
with  his   left  hand," 

-:>(■* 

He  * s  so  dumd  he  thinks 
that  a  political  ring  is  a 
piece  of  jev/elry 

"Larry"  Pratt  is  going  to 
send  a  petition  to  the  Hash 
House  to  serve  beans  on  Sat- 
urday night.  He  says  that 
beans  go  down  but  sausage 
come  up«  ■ 

Utah  has  a  law  prohibiting 
the  smoking  of  cigarettes  in 
public.  No  place  foE  you  to 
go,  Pick. 

Heard  midst  the  soup  guzzling i 
Johnny-  v?ould  you  like  to  be 

a  Junfe-  bride? 
Ha^el-  'So,'   I»d  rather  be 

an  April  Fool, 


*  BEAD -IN  THE'"Bm£BBBLL^  ' 

*  The  Evolution  of  the 

*  Tail  and  How  It  Came 

*  to  be  Chased, 
* 


# 
* 

-X- 

* 


R.iZOR  BL.'DE'S 
TIE    1924 


iviar  6 ,    192^ 
ELECTIONS   rOri 

inde:: 


#  ****-*****-******->*^-'********"** 


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Athlete-  Allenn  Dresser 
Cigarette  liend-  Carpenter 
Jusbei-  kl   Waugh 
Be3t  Dancer-  'Sam  7/hite 
Cla^a  Parson- GryzwacK 
Orator-  Percivai 
Most  poouaar-  Earl  Cromack 
Most  popular  co-ed-  Kuth  \l"ood 
Grind-  Ch":.ck  D'ael 
Peppiest-  Freddy  Bartlett 
Lounge  Liza.rd--  Red  Emory 
Eusinessnan-  Sug  Kane 
Un^cphi-tticated-  Nicoll 
Pessimist-  Whitman 
Optimist-  Eric  Lsynb 
Laziest-  Bike 
Mgt  manly-  C aha lane 
Rustic-  Hank  Darling 
Man  Hater-  Pvithie  Flint 
Y/oman  Hater-  Buddy  Frost 
Quietiest-  Duckey  Kennedy 
Noisiest-  Tuby  Lane 
Cave  Man-  Johnny  Read 
"Wittiest-  RAZC?^  BLADE 

Popular  Profs-  Abie  Beaumont 
DOc  Torrey,  .Uias  '"Fat" 
ErrrrAh  Harrington 


German  5-   You  will  take 
"the  part  of  the 
"FrSulein  (in  Negligee)'} 
Mister  Tev;hi3.i. 

'  NOTICE  TO '^ENICRS  ''■  '''   ' 

Any  Seniors  who  hate 
to  part  with  this  institu- 
tion are  advised  to  take 
Rand's  Drama  Course;  For  infer- 
maticn  see  Nowers  *23. 

•ixlso,  Ag.  Be.  Seniors: 
Sign  up  with  iU.ex  for  next 
years  rooms.